I'm Engaged, I Like Other Guys
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I just got recently engaged. I love him and he is my best friend. But it was so wierd, the second he proposed I started to notice other guys.
Now, there is a guy at work that I have a crush on. What is going on with me? I really do love my fiance, I have been with him for 5 years. I feel guilty for these other feelings.
Marriage can be a VERY scary step. You go from being able to have "limitless possibilities" about fun guys to date to being "stuck" with one guy for the entire rest of your life. Yes, you love your fiance! But no matter how much you love chocolate chip ice cream, if you were told that the only thing you could EVER eat was chocolate chip ice cream for the entire rest of your life, that might seem a bit intimidating and boring. Suddenly you begin craving other flavors.
It's normal to have temptation in any relationship. There will always be other people you find fascinating! And the strong relationships are the ones that get through those temptations are the ones that survive. To pretend that there IS no temptation would be naive. Of course there are! But you acknowledge them, and you let them drift away while you focus on your life partner.
The beauty of a long term relationship is that it is NOT the same thing every day. You change. He changes. You both change together and you learn and grow. You learn new hobbies, you share interests, you go places, you build memories. That is the beauty of a real, mature relationship. It is NOT boring - it is ever changing and fun. It is something that no "other 3rd party guy" could ever share, no matter how cute or funny he is. It's a special connection you build up with your chosen other half.
So enjoy your crush, but make sure that your focus is always on your fiance. You can have other male friends that you chat with, but the aim of your heart should always be pointed squarely at that guy who is by your side.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com