Should I Call? Should He Call?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Here is the situation, I really need some advice. I met a guy through mutual friends at a few parties I saw him around and he always tried to talk to me but I was dating someone so I blew him off. Finally, I was single, and heard he invited us to a party and he had asked a friend of mine about me, saying he was interested. I ended up going and we danced, talked, and had a great time!!! I left early with my friends and made plans to see him the next night.
The next night he met us at a party as well, and we ended up dancing and drinking ALOT and hanging out all night. Well to make a long story short we ended up having sex that night and it felt right (even though I know this was a little too soon). I really felt a connection.
For the next 2 weeks we were in a whirlwind romance, all our friend knew we were falling for eachother and we were going to movies, dinner, and having great sex! He started back at college and had to work every weekend, all weekend so he was busy, and slowly started to not call me much at all, but once a week.
Finally, i told him I did not want to get too attached, as I was, cause he had this job every weekend, for 5 weeks. I ended up seeing him at a party the 4th week of his "work" during the week, and he was telling me "Why havent I called?" he wants me to be his girl, he thinks I am so pretty, he likes everything about me, and explained the only reason he had not called is because I said I did not want to get too attached.
We hung out all night and when it was time for us to normally have sex, I said I thought it would be a better idea if I just went home. He was confused and called me twice on my way home trying to invite me to come back. I declined, he was very intoxicated. He told me he would call me next week and we would do something.
The next day i wrote him a letter, saying that I did not want just a booty call, I did not want a husband, just someone I can trust that can trust me, I am not a piece of meat, and I really think we have a good connection and the reason i did not stay with him the last night was because he was drunk and saying sweet things I did not know if they were true, and I did not want to become attached, for him to not call me another week!
Well, I am glad I did that because another week and a half has gone by and he has still not called me. Should I call him? We have mutual friends and they all tell me he likes me. This is the last day of his work so he will be free for the weekends now, should I let him call me? How should I even act when he does? Should I act like a sweet, normal friend? or should I confront why he did not call? or should I be a bitch and say screw this? Please HELP, Thanks =)
I never understood why people had a hangup about who calls who. Everybody should call everybody! To sit around staring at a phone wanting it to ring seems very silly to me. If you want to talk to someone, you should talk to them. Deliberately preventing communication seems counterproductive.
I would definitely call him and talk to him. Offer to meet him somewhere so you can have dinner and talk. Your relationship shouldn't be all about sex - what happens when the passion turns more mellow? You need to build up the friendship and the connection. That is what lasts the months and years.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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Do not call
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