My Cheating, Lying Husband
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My husband cheated on me several times. I found out because he brought me home an std. He admited to cheating 2x told me who one of the women were but said the other was a women that had picked him up at the grocery store but promised he didn't know her and would tell me if he did. Well come to find out he did know the other woman it was his ex-girlfriend the one he was with right before he and I got together. I found out because I ran into her at the same grocery store she admited everything to me. But even after he told me who she was he still lied and said that she was at the grocery store when he was and went home with her from there. She said they did not run into each other at the store but that he had indeed came to her house told her that he and I had broke up that he had filed for a divorce and still loved her and wanted to get back together with her. I was 7 months pregnant at this point.
He also told the other woman with whom he had slept with several times that he was falling in love with her and leaving me. He has been in jail for the past 7 months and says he loves me and now realizes his mistakes but stil he lied even when he admited it was her he said he went with her from the store but he didn't he went to her house still says he didn't meant for it to happen why did he go there if he didnt mean for it to happen. And as far as the other one he said he hated it felt bad but yet he kept going back for more. And he knew both of theses women had STD's and he still did what he did. I was pregnant with his child.
I have filed for a divorce I still love my husband and worse yet I'm still in love with him. But I refuse to let him keep lying and hurting me. Please tell me if I am doing the right thing. If I thought my marriage would survive this I would try but he keeps lying please tell me what to do. I have no where else to turn.
I definitely think you are doing the right thing and also if you have no friends you can talk to about this it is time to either talk to a minister or therapist or someone else who can be there for you. I would join a local club or hobby group or something to make friends who can be there for you.
A marriage and family is about a LOT of trust and faith and believing in someone, relying on them. If this guy can't even be trustworthy when you are his "wife" - how can you depend on him when there is a small child involved! As much as it hurts you right now, at least you are an adult who can take care of herself. Soon there will be a tiny baby whose VERY LIFE depends on the adults taking care of him or her. You cannot allow your ex to be in that position. Lies are bad enough when they wound your heart. What happens when his lies and betrayals endanger the life of your child? He's already proven that he's willing to put your health and the health of your baby at risk with the STDs. That is very serious and I would definitely not give him any more chances of causing you two harm.
Yes, you love him. Love him from afar and know that your love will not turn into hate this way. If you keep him in your life you will end up hating him and despising him.
And please find some friends or ministers or therapists to talk to. You should have someone there in your life while you raise this child - and it should NOT be him.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com