He's Insecure, Now What?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now, and up until a couple of weeks ago everything was great. Of course we had normal couple fights, but lately he's on a war path.
He doesn't believe I go straight home from college, he doesn't believe I'm not on the other line talking to another guy when he calls. He belittles me every day.
I love him so much, but he's hurting me, and I don't understand what has gotten into him all of a sudden. I have never cheated on him, & up until lately I saw him as the ONE! But now it's like he doesn't respect me or even love me.
When I'm away from him or when he is drunk he acts like this, but when we are together he's so sweet. I don't know what to do.
It's easy to be an angel in paradise. It's easy for him to be sweet and cuddly when you are right in front of him and there is no stress. But the real way to judge a person is how they act in stressful situations - and he is proving that he is insecure and jealous. As soon as you are "out of his control" he starts mistrusting you and assuming you are going to betray him. One of the nasty things about jealous - which of course has been around for thousands of years - is that it easily destroys even the strongest of relationships.
His jealousy IS going to completely destroy his relationship with you - because after a very short while you are going to get completely sick of his attitude and abuse and leave him. It's time to address this now.
Get him some books on dealing with jealousy, or get him to talk to a teacher or minister or adult or SOMEONE. This is part of being in a relationship - trust. Either he learns to trust you or he is going to lose you. It's that simple. There is no way a long term relationship can survive if one half of it is irrationally jealous.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com