We Always Fight
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My boyfriend and I are a young couple. We have been dating for 17 months. We have known each other since we were 13 and now we are 18. Most of our relationship has been arguements, usually ending within a few days and on good terms. But when we get into fights he brings up issues from the past that I thought we worked through. I have asked him why he brings them up and he usually gives some remark that makes me feel guilty for calling him on it.
I still love him, but I am unsure about being "in love". What do you suggest about continuing our relationship?
I know it might seem from watching TV and movie shows that fighting in a relationship is normal. But it is NOT. It makes for excellent, exciting movies. But it is not what makes for a happy relationship. If you guys are fighting all the time it is a strong sign that something is wrong - and it should not be something you continue doing.
A relationship should always be about respect, honesty and trust. If you are yelling at each other it is a sign of disrespect and of "whoever is loudest must be right". Which is a really feeble way of running a relationship.
It sounds like when your boyfriend is losing a current argument he resorts to bringing up old ones. That's an ancient trick. When he tries it, just walk away. Tell him you'll talk with him when he's able to concentrate on the current issue. He will be surprised the first time - but he'll realize after one or two times that he's being unreasonable. Either he discusses and resolves the issue at hand - or he won't have anybody to talk with.
He's learned bad habits from others. Only you can help him learn some good ones, to manage the way you deal with each other going forward.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com