Flirting Goes a Bit Far

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I'm happily married and devoted to my family. During a rare guy's night out, three of us started some conversation with two really nice girls. Everything seemed to be going quite platonically with some minor flirting until one of the girls asked me if she and I were going to exchange numbers tonite. So I told her to ask me later (hoping the question would go away). When the club was closing, the same girl asked if we wanted to join them at a late night spot. I said, No, I have to take my buddies back home which was an hour away.

As I drove up to pick up my buddies, they got in the car and said we were going to follow the girls to a late night spot. So we did. About a half hour later the question came again, "Are we gonna exchange numbers tonite?" Again, enjoying the attention (being selfish), I didn't reply either way. I even went so far as to say during the night that I had no intentions of picking her up.

So now the second place is closing and we're just saying good-bye to the girls when she stuffs her phone number in my pocket and embraces me with what would've been a decent open-mouthed, tongue kiss if I hadn't pulled back.

So I leave to drive my buddies home. As I'm driving, one of my buddies called the cell number that was given to me. No big deal except now she had my cell #. During the week I get a message on my cell phone sounding a little hesitant and sounding something like this. "Hi, this is Michelle, you hopefully remember meeting me on friday night. Just wanted to call and say hi. You have my number so give me a call back."

I of course threw the number out that night but now I have her number on my cell phone from her calling.
I'm going to tell her I'm married and that I'm sorry for not offering up my marital status because I was being selfish and enjoying her attention. But I want to be nice about it and just be respectful so not make her feel bad as if she did anything wrong. I would just like to know if you have any suggestions of how to be cool about this. Advice
Well, flirting is a great pasttime and very fun. And it sounds like she was being very aggressive about the entire thing, and she could have asked if you were married or seeing someone before she flung herself at you :) I'm assuming you were wearing your wedding ring so that would have been a clear giveaway to her. Sure, you could have just said "Lay off I'm married" But I don't think there was really a call for that, flirting is harmless and fun. Married people flirt all the time. And you didn't initiate contact after that.

First, I'd really tell your wife about this. This other woman sounds very aggressive and it can get VERY messy if this goes poorly, and you want your wife to know the real story from you. Honesty is always the best policy.

Then, yes, I'd call the girl and let her know that you enjoyed talking with her, but that you're married and can't persue a relationship with her. My bet is that she says she doesn't care about your marriage and wants to see you anyway, that you'll just be friends, etc. She'll say, "can't we just have drinks together" or something. I'd say no, thank you, best of luck, bye. And hope that she doesn't start calling you constantly. If she does, I believe you can put a number block on a phone so they don't get through. Which is where warning your wife comes in, because she might be able to then find out your home number.

Anyway, best of luck with it, and don't let your friends near your cell phone in the future. It's a sure way to get someone with stalker-like tendencies to hook into your life, and the hooks can be hard to remove.

-- from Jenn
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