True Love? Or Obsession?
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
We are toghether for 7 months now. After 2 months together we started meeting almost every day. We had a great time. Everybody kept telling us not to meet so much. I guess.. now this often dating has taken little passion off.. All my life is detidicated to that girl. But I cant find anything to do when Im alone. Im bored, nothing interests me, Im angry and agresiive. Reading, meeting my frends, musical insturments.. nothing interests me. I want to be with her all the time. But now school is again and we cant meet so much. And she also wants some free time to meet her friends and do other things.. but i cant live without her.
Also when we meet, sometimes we cant find anything interesting to do, because we have done almost everything we can..
I'm only 17 and she is almost 16. But there is a true love between us. No matter of age :)
I really cant stand being at home and doing nothing.. But i must respect her interests too..
What shoud I do? What can i do when I`m alone?
First, true love is about two individuals, who both are able to stand alone and be happy, to *share* that happiness with each other and care for each other. So you're missing a key component here :)
Obsession is when your entire life is only about someone else. Obsession isn't healthy, for either of you. It's not healthy for you because you don't have any other interests, or friends, or balance in your life. It's not healthy for her because now she has the burden of being THE only thing in your life, she is responsible for entertaining you and making you happy and pleasing you. That's not her job in life. Also, you become less interesting because you don't have anything to talk about that's new - you don't read, you don't have hobbies, all you can talk about is her. That might be fun for a few months, but it can get old very quickly.
So my first suggestion is - get out and expand your OWN life! Get friends, both male AND female. Do things. Read books. Watch movies. Find interests. If you don't, you're going to be like a puppy dog who is fun to have around with those adoring eyes, but not someone you want to spend a lot of time with.
Since there are 80 year olds who still haven't done everything there is to do, I doubt you've done it all :) It sounds like your creativity juices need some exercise. There must be museums around to go explore, libraries to get cool books out of, new sports to try, new trails to hike, new musicians to listen to, new art films to see, new poetry to recite, new languages to learn, new restaurants to try, new recipes to cook. In my own life, not a month goes by without me trying something new to keep things interesting. And I hardly even try :)
You really, really have to get yourself out of this rut soon. Couples that thrive together are ones where each partner has an active life, and where they then together share those lives and have fun things they do together as well. They *energize* each other. If the only thing you do in your life is gaze adoringly at your girlfriend, you're in essence sucking all her energy and not providing any. That'll not make for a relationship that lasts a long time!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com