Should I Wait for Him?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been really good friends with this guy for a long time, we've known each other since middle school, but this year we started going out a lot, as friends. After one of these friend-dates when he'd spent the whole time talking about his ex, he told me that he likes me a lot, but he wasn't ready to move on. So we went out a couple more times, and once when we were saying goodbye, I kissed him on the cheek.

The next time we went out, we went to the beach, alone...and he held my hand. Which I figured meant that we were definitely more than friends (hard to explain, just the way it happenend wasn't in a just-friend way). Then he said he had something to discuss with me next time, but it wasn't anything bad. He wouldn't tell me until the night was almost over, then took me out to this romantic spot to tell me that he loves me but never wants a relationship with me! I could tell it was killing him to hurt me, but I didn't know why.

Sometime the next week, he finally told me "the truth"...but he'd said that he never had those kind of feelings for me and realized he was using me. Now some of the things this guy did...I KNOW he had feelings for me as well. I told him once that I wanted to go outside and watch the sunset, but rather than us watching in the parking lot, he drove me all the way out to the beach just so I could see it there. So what it sounds like, based strictly on actions, etc, is that he just doesn't want a relationship right now.

So...should I wait for him? I don't know exactly what to do, because if it means waiting, then I can wait forever for him, but I don't want to do that if it won't help anything. Thank you, and sorry for the extra-long, boring narrative. Advice
I definitely think that you're right, that he is afraid to get into a relationship with you. ALL great relationships are based on great friendships and you guys really seem to have that as well as the affection and desire to be in contact with each other.

It can often take people months if not years to get over an ex. If he still has his ex on his brain, then stay there as his friend. Stay in love with each other! It's great and natural for friends to love each other. If he doesn't want to be romantic yet, then that's fine. Just keep hanging out, doing things together, and every once in a while, nudge it into a romantic direction. Soon he'll realize that it's not "bad" to have some romance too - that in fact it's quite nice.

So keep it at the cheek-kissing, hand-holding level. Many best friends do that when they're male-female. I think if you're patience that he'll realize soon just how well matched you guys already are and that he can let go of his ex.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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