He Wants a Partner, Not a Mommy

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with a guy for the past 3 years and I thought things were going just great until 3 weeks ago. He sat down with me saying he doesn't know what else to do but break up. He said he still loves me but he said I gave him so many headaches. He said that both of us have a lot of growing up to do.

He says that I make him feel guilty when he is out with his friends...I don't mean to do it, I really hope he is out having fun. he told me i need to be with my friends more too.. im happy when im with him he makes me feel so good inside... He says that I act like his mother sometimes... the only reason I do that is because I care for him and I dont want him to get hurt...

I have been begging him for a second chance to show him that I can be a better girlfriend towards him because we were always so happy when we were together....How can i get him back...All i want is a second chance to prove to him how much he means to me? please help

RomanceClass.com Advice
The first thing you have to accept is that you guys were NOT always so happy together. He obviously was very unhappy with some things, and if you were nagging him you were equally unhappy. You can't ignore those things. Your ignoring them has lead to this breakup. You need to sit down and *accept* that fully before you can even hope to start things up again.

OK, so you realize that things were NOT 100% good before and that if you have a fresh start, you CAN make things better. First off, you both need outside friends to be healthy. You cannot spend 100% of your hours with him. That is called obsession, not love. You need to be a person that has balance. You need to have your own friends that you do things with, and be happy with yourself as well. He is completely correct in saying that. So develop your friendships, and develop things you enjoy doing on your own. These all make you a more rounded person, meaning you're a person that others enjoy being with.

Next, you are NOT his mother. Yes, partners care about each other. But they also fully trust each other, respect each other and depend on each other. He is a person who can take care of himself, just as you should be a person who can take care of yourself. Either you give him respect for his ability or you treat him like a baby. The fact that you think you "know better than he does" how to live means you're not treating him like a partner in your life. You're treating him like your pet or kid. It's EXTREMELY important that you realize this and start treating him like a fully functional partner in your life.

It will be hard for you to make these adjustments because it sounds like you're not really accepting they are problems in the first place. But if you really sit down, think about them and put time and energy into changing how you deal with your ex, he may see that and give you another chance.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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