Why is he Withdrawing?
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I met this guy about 4 months ago, he is currently working in my home town. His job has lasted longer than expected, therefore we were able to spend more time together. I have fallen in love with him, and he says the same about me. I know he is leaving soon, and only time will tell if we will work out. But now that he knows he is leaving is very withdrawn...he is acting like it doesn't matter to him if he is with me or not. Could this be how he really feels after 4 months or, could he just be acting this way for some other reason?
It sounds like you have a very good handle on the situation in general. He sounds like he does care for you, and is therefore really worried about this departure. He has something great, but he's leaving you behind and doesn't want to lose you. But it's only been a few months so he doesn't want to rush things by asking you to come along or trying to stay despite his work being over. So he's not sure what to do. And he's trying to protect himself from being hurt.
Four months isn't enough time to say you can live with someone forever, but it is enough time to realize that a relationship is really worth striving for. Sit down with him and do some creative thinking about your options. First, get through his shell by telling him that you DO really care for him, and that if you can get this to work, you will. If you both turn this into a "we will work together to face this problem" things will go much more smoothly. You're a team.
Now, brainstorm. Come up with all sorts of wacky ideas, and just write them all down. Be as crazy as you can be. Then look over the list and start to sort out which ideas really can work. Maybe he can find another job here on a temporary basis while you grow your relationship? Maybe you could find one near him? Maybe you could both find one in the middle?
I really strongly believe that you should both be in the same place while you strengthen your relationship. Long distance relationships are fun (I've been in many) but you really lose out on what finally determines if you can *live* together - which is the constant time *together* to see if your highs and lows and all of that work out well. If in the end that's your only option you can give it a try, but I'd leave that for very last.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com