I have crushes on people
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I'm a little bit confused, because every time I have a crush on someone, even if it's a very very serious crush (would say love, but I don't know if it was in a romantic way), the second they feel the same way, I start finding a thousand things about them that end up bothering me to no end, and it's driving me nuts!!
I've never had a serious relationship because I either fall for someone "unatainable", or I run away whenever they claim to have feelings for me. For example, this guy I've wanted to date for four years now made a move towards a relationship, but then said that it was a mistake and he didn't have those kind of feelings for me...so I figured that, since he's the first person I could have seen myself ever really staying with, I'd wait on him. And now, I don't see how I could have ever had romantic feelings for him.
On the other hand, I've been fighting romantic feelings for my gay best friend for two years...I don't get it. How do I get over this fear of committing to anybody? As well as getting over this silly crush on my best friend before I start acting funny around him? Thank you so much. Have a great day!
The thing about a crush is that it's "safe". You can pour a ton of time, emotion and feeling into the crush, but you're never risking being betrayed or turned down or cheated on. Orlando Bloom (Legolas) has said this MANY times - that the main appeal of his character to millions of girls out there is that he's a "safe crush". Girls can imagine him being sweet and kind, being a best friend in essence, but he's not "dangerous" and can't hurt them in real life. Having a crush is that exactly - something you can dream and imagine, but with no threat of actual danger.
So it sounds like you're in the same situation. There's even a term for girls who get heavy crushes on gay guys, because the gay guys are "safe" to adore.
It's time for you to accept that yes, you CAN get hurt when you date guys. That's part of life. But you can also have INCREDIBLE happiness when you find a guy you care for and who cares for you. So you have to take that step.
So yes, keep your gay friend. But stop dreaming about him, and start looking for guys in your life who are AVAILABLE. And then start becoming friends with some of them, and see which you can really get along with. The best partner in life is a best friend, so start with friendship!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com