Beauty and Ugly

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
There is this girl. She is pretty popular and attractive. I have always had a crush on her. The only reason I think I have a chance is because she is dating this ugly dude who isn't cool at all. Her friends make me nervous to talk to her. How do I get her to like me or how do I ask her on a date? Advice
Ummmmmm ok issue #1. She's attractive and popular - and that's the draw? She's dating an ugly guy and that's an issue? I think you are completely missing reality here. Dating has NOTHING to do with "pretty" or "ugly". That is MTV talking and is about as meaningless as what color nail polish she uses. Believe me, people who are pretty can be incredible jerks. People who are "ugly" can be incredibly nice and sweet and supportive. When you are 30 and 40, everybody gets wrinkles, everybody gets grey hairs. Nobody cares what someone looked like when they were a teenager (which I assume you are). So the sooner you stop obsessing about "pretty" and "ugly", the sooner you'll realize just what is important in the world.

Why not say you like her because he's friendly and likes chess, just like you? Why not say she has a great sense of humor and loves South Park? Why make her "important features" that she's pretty and popular?

You really need to start TREATING this girl like a regular girl that has feelings and emotions, hopes and dreams, and be a FRIEND to her if you want anything to work out with her. You don't just go attacking a "pretty" girl and say "Date Me!!". You need to get to know her as a PERSON, let her know YOU as a person, and show her that you are someone she would really like to spend time with her. Then she will want to date you. But if you treat her like a piece of jewelry, she won't.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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