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True love isn't the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of propinquity. -- Helen Rowland



Things seem good but they get really bad



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Ok I am 23 and my boyfriend is 19 I know a bit of an age difference. Things are good most of the time. It is my first year teaching and i have some questions about things he always tells me to ask him. Then like today I did and he makes me feel stupid when I ask. I told him how I felt and he is like baby you just dont listen. That really gets me upset.

Its hard too cause of my work and college at night then its like he works on cars thats it he works but i dont want this to sound snobby but my job is alot harder and he complains about being so tired its gets old real quick.

He hates talking about love or anything like that. I love being with him. He says he loves being with me. But its hard to talk to him and he makes me feel bad about myself sometimes. I dont know what else to say its so hard. I cant wait to see him then i do and it gets bad again. Does this make any sense?




RomanceClass.com Advice
Most relationships have bad and good in them but it seems like yours is bordering on (if not outright crossing into) emotional abuse. A partner should always be someone who supports you, who cares about you, who helps you reach for your dreams. A best friend. It sounds like instead he is threatened by you and is actively trying to squash you down so you're on his level. He likes to prove that he is just as good as you - not by praising you and encouraging you - but by demeaning you so you feel badly about yourself. That is NOT RIGHT.

I know it's really really hard to fight this - but believe me - it gets WORSE AND WORSE unless you start doing something right now about it. The more he does it, the more he thinks its normal and the worse he will get. The less he will listen to complaints because he'll think "Heck this is just what we do, why is she so grumpy??" So stop it NOW.

The next time he puts you down, say simply "I don't deserve that." And if he keeps it up, walk out. Not in a huffy way, but in a "I'm not sticking around for this immature behavior" sort of way. If he wants to be with you, he should treat you with respect. If he can't, he can't be with you.

He has a right to be worn out by his job just as you have to be with yours. You both deserve support with it but neither of you should use the other as a beanbag for your pains and woes. For him to say "Man I'm tired" is one thing. For him to rant and rave to you about his work is another. Again, he's probably trying to show that his work is just as important as yours, which it is. So make sure he knows it is, and then if he tries to harp on it, just say "Yes I know it's hard" and go on to another topic.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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