He Cheated, I can't trust him

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i've been with my boyfriend for over a year and he cheated on me 6 months ago and we've been trying to make it work since then. i still don't trust him and i feel like he's lying to me all the time and that this relationship is just some game in his eyes.

RomanceClass.com Advice
That is the huge problem with cheating. Cheating is a nasty betrayal that proves, "I think about myself more than I think about you, and will do what pleases me." Once that line is crossed, there's no way to prove "I won't cheat again." The only thing you can prove is "so far I haven't cheated" and even that is nearly impossible to prove unless you live in the same house and work from home. It all comes down to trust and once that trust is shattered, the entire underlying base of the relationship is broken and it often cannot be fixed.

I would really talk with a therapist and try to get this resolved. Not only has he damaged your ability to trust him - but it sounds like if you dated another guy you'd have the exact same issues now - could you really trust him? What if he just betrayed you like your ex? This could demolish all sorts of new relationships you tried to get into. The therapist could help you get over those issues and ready to trust again. Maybe it could be with this current boyfriend - or maybe not. Maybe it'll turn out that the current guy has just damaged things so much that it's a lost cause. But the therapist should be able to help you figure it out and move on.

Don't take this lightly. Some women literally never marry or have a happy relationship again because they were so hurt by a cheating guy. If you take a few weeks now to talk to a therapist, it might save you years and years of hurt.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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