I can't trust him, is he being sneaky?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. He treats me very well and our relationship has progressed nicely. However, I have recently been worrying that I can't trust him. He knows how I feel from arguments that we've had and it has caused major problems between us. I love him very much, but he's so sneaky, or at least it seems to me. He'll go out almost every night with his law school professors for drinks and I never ever believe that he really is with professors and not another girl.
I want this to work out, but I don't know how to get over this feeling. It causes me to get angry with him and shut down leaving him with a silent treatment. And ultimately, it leads me to be very depressed. I'm constantly sad and anxious worrying about what he may be doing and it's starting to get uncontrollable. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
It seems like the only complaint you have with him is that he goes out drinking wtih friends. That hardly seems to be a cause to say he's cheating! It sounds like you're starting to become very jealous of him and believe me, jealousy can completely destroy even the most happy and healthy of relationships. It starts to eat away at you and after a while the always-accused person gets sick of it and calls it quits.
I have a whole set of pages on the site about dealing with jealousy -
work through them. If you MUST, show up at one of those drinking nights to say hi to him and give him a small gift. That will at least reassure you that he is there and just with friends. But you have to learn to trust him. You can't be hounding his every step to make sure he is where he says he will be. Either you learn to trust him, or I would really talk with a therapist. Because if you let these jealousies run your life, they will ruin your life - not only with him, but with any guy you meet.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com