I Was Demanding

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i'm 27 years old and i have been dating with a my boyfriend, 23, for 6 months. When we started to go out i was still suffering for my other relationship. I have to say my first ex is my work-colleague and i did have feelings when i start to go out with my boyfriend. At first i like him but it was not a rush, i start to love him little by little. In the mean while my ex was trying to get me back, but i never meet him outside work, and i only talk about work with him.

I have to say i'm really afraid of relationships and that people leave me, so i didn't want to see myself in a relationship. So i was telling to my boyfriend that if he didn't learn spanish we will finish in september. As well i told him that for two month we will be in a break while my sister was staying with me during that time, because i wanted to spend time with her.

September arrived i was really happy with my boyfriend but i have the feeling his friends are talking agaist me, that i only using him. And he still belive that i'm in love with my ex. I can't stand my ex right now, but i need it time to close the door. He say he was mad about me, and for the first time i belive him. I always say the truth to him, because 2 previous girlfrinds left him for other guys. I was going throught i really bad time so i break up with him because i was afraid that he was tired of me. I have to say that in the same time i have to move house and my best-friend that i have share the house with for 7 years got married that month. So i had a crisis and felt really bad.

After i broke up with him he try to speak with me, but i just couldn't, i was trying to deal with the lost of my friend and the moving on a new house and that my sister was here and i have to take care of her. So when this things were sorted i try to speak with him he said that he still have fellings but is not mad for my anymore, and that i hurt him and that i shouldn't contact him for a while. He offer me first to be friends to see what happend but i counldn't handle it by them i now i'm feeling much better. But i love him and i would like to try again with out the shadow of my ex.

What can i do to get him back... we used to be best friends and good lovers

RomanceClass.com Advice
It sounds like you've been a bit of a tough girlfriend to deal with! You put him off for 2 months because your sister was there? You forced him to learn a new language? You were still allowing your ex to sweet talk you instead of telling him it was over?

It sounds like if you want this to work with your boyfriend that you really have to take a fresh approach. A relationship is about two people who focus on each other 100%, who care for each other and their dreams and hopes. It does NOT involve putting demands on each other, or dropping each other when they are inconvenient! Why did you have to take a break just because your sister was there? Why not still be his girlfriend and just call him a few times a week to stay in touch? People do that all the time!

Sit down and talk with him and apologize for how you've treated him in the past. Tell him you care for him and miss him and that you want to give this another try. And this time make sure you actually do work on the relationship! Spend time with him, share your worries and fears with him, have fun with him. Being in a relationship is NOT about running away when things get tough. It is about sharing your worries when things get tough, and finding solutions together.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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