The Fun of Flirting

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have this guy that I have gotten to be really great friends with over the past 2 years. We have always been really flirty with each other and get along really well. I recently asked him to dinner and he told me that I was so sweet and the he respected me and that it was nothing to do with me, but we could just be friends and that was it. But, even after he told me this, he continues to flirt unmercifully, we've even had lunch a couple of times since then.

I know that he went through an ugly marriage and divorce, I think the ex-wife really messed him up about relationships and he just doesn't know how to proceed with a some what happy and normal relationship. I just don't get his mixed signals.

Am I wrong to keep flirting back and expect that maybe someday he will figure out that he really wants to be with me????????? Thanks! Advice
You seem to think flirting equals a firm commitment to seriously date :) He's not sending mixed signals at all! Lots of people flirt because it's a fun way of life. Take a trip to France and see how people of all ages, from 8 to 80, flirt non stop. It's a great way to pass through life, bringing others joy and receiving it in return.

If he's on the rebound it is best NOT to push him at all on relationships. A rebound relationship can get VERY messy and even if you guys are great together, the fact that your relationship is tainted by the rebound emotions could destroy all chances you have of being happy together.

Enjoy the flirting. Spend time together. And don't pressure him into a romantic relationship. Being best friends IS a happy and normal relationship. If some day in the future it does segue into a romantic relationship, that would be nice. But all great romances begin with great friendships, and if you don't build that first, you'll run into big trouble later on. So show him you can be his friend and be patient, that you're not going to demand he change to suit your needs. That's what a friend is about.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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