Trying to Steal Her Away

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I'm a senior in high school. I've known a girl since my freshman year. I know she has feelings for me now, as she did then; However, she has a soon to be 20 year old boyfriend. Well.....I'm madly in love with this girl, and I think she loves me too, but the boyfriend stands in the way.

She's always flirting with me, and I feel bad, but good at the same time. A few days ago, her and I had a talk about our feelings. She said she was trying to decide between me or the boyfriend. Well...she kissed me passionately and enjoyed it, but then said she chose him. As much as I try to be angry, I can't be, cause I intervened on that relationship. Don't get me wrong, we are still flirting, even now as I type this; But I can't make any progress. This situation is really really depressing, but I try to keep cheerful. I don't know how much longer I can keep up this farce before I go completely insane over this girl. Is there any way to win her over the boyfriend (as guilty as I would feel afterwords)? Advice
It's not just a matter of feeling guilty afterwards. If you train her that relationships can be ditched when something else comes along, what happens when she's with you? Now someone else can come along that's richer/smarter/more handsome/whatever and do the exact same thing, because now she's used to doing that. There is ALWAYS someone better in one way or another.

The whole aim of relationships is to learn to *work on the current relationship* or to *decide not to* solely based on that relationship. If you allow others to influence you and say "Hey I'm better come with me!" then where does it end? Do you really want to be with someone who will, in a few months, say "Oh this other guy is better, see ya!"

She seems to like the attention of you both and the thought of being able to choose either of you whenever she wants. Which is REALLY unfair to you and to her other boyfriend if she's being this obvious with him too. She needs to choose a boyfriend and either make it work or agree that it won't work. Otherwise she's being unfair to everyone. And while you can certainly remain her friend and have fun with her, you need to open your mind to women who are actually FREE and not playing these sorts of games. Somewhere out there is a woman who isn't already taken, and who wants to give her heart and soul to someone who can care for her. That could be you!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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