Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex-boyfriend and I had been together off and on for 4 years because my parents didn't want me talking to him since they don't like his parents. Now I'm 21 and I feel like they can't dictate who I can and can't have a relationship with because it's my life and I should be able to be with whoever makes me happy.
He broke up with me last week because of my parents because he felt that he couldn't love me and be with me the way he wants to with them feeling how they feel. I didn't want to break up because we are in love with each other so much and the reason we broke up has nothing to do with our feelings for each other.
We haven't been talking and I don't know how he's feeling, but my question is how to I talk to my parents about how much they're hurting me without being disrespectful to them.
It's great that you respect your parents and care for how they feel. That is a healthy sign about how you deal with family members.
That being said, you also have your own life to lead. Yes they have their opinions. Yes it's good to listen to them, and to be respectful. And once you've listened, and you've been resepctful, then you have to make your own choices about your own life.
I know it's tough. You've spent your entire life up until now being guided by them and listening to them. But you are 21. You have your entire life in front of you. It is YOUR life. It is YOUR bed you wake up in every morning and your face you have to look in the mirror at and feel comfortable with the choices you've made. If you read stories about all the people out there who had to make challenging decisions, they had to go against all sorts of hurdles. They had to deal with all sorts of people who put them down and disagreed with them. It is only because they stood strong and stayed the course that they found what they wanted in life.
Your boyfriend is seeing the trauma and doesn't want to put you through it. You have to show to him that it doesn't matter. Contact him. Tell him that your feelings are ALL that matter. It's your life. It's your future. Together you can take on anything.
Think of this as your test. Life is asking if you really want to be together. This is a hurdle. Can you make it past this hurdle? Really this is a *minor* hurdle. It's just parents! Couples go through separation due to wars, they go through bankruptcy, they go through life-threatening injuries and having children with major disabilities. You absolutely need to be able to handle cranky parents to show you can handle the "real issues" that life will dole out. Talk to him. Tell him you want to prove to the world that you are meant to be together.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com