She had a Fun Past, Now things are Boring

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My wife is 23 years old, I am 25, we have been married 2 3/4 years.

The past week or so it seems I have learned alot about my wifes past with ex-lovers when she was like 13 to 19, she talked about different places she had sex with them like on top of a car hood,in a truck, in a front yard, in a tent, ect. She volunteered the locations and of course I was curious so I asked questions like with who and where and when.

She didnt do it to be mean or brag about it, but it really got to me, because we have a good sex life, but nothing kinky or different like in her past, and I want that? She knows it. I dont understand why I feel so upset..after we talked about she got really hurt because she felt like she made me feel bad, and she shouldnt have said those things..we were talking about different places to have sex, and thats how it started the past topic.

My wife since we have been together has always been conservative and "old fashoned" when it comes to sex, but to hear about a "wild" past really freaked me out, because I dont understand why we cant do those things????

Do you have any advice? Yes, I feel jealous to a point, but hurt because I feel like she was a whore when she was younger? She is very faithful and loyal and dedicated to me, but I am having a hard time dealing with her past. Can you help? Advice
We all have pasts, and it's unfair to say she was a whore! If she was a guy he'd be 'having fun' but a girl is a 'whore' to enjoy sex. That's not right. She was being a hormone-filled teenager just like most teenagers are, although she was more adventureous than many. And since she met you, she put aside all her wildness of the past and settled down to be a loving, loyal, true wife.

To scold her for what she did as a teenager is like yelling at your father because he used to steal marbles when he was 8. It was long ago, a different part of what he is now. We all go through stages. She went through her wild stage. Now she grew out of it. Think of some of the clothes you wore when you were 13 and the music you listened to. You probably wouldn't wear some of those clothes or listen to some of that music now. You're a much different, more mature person.

Everything she went through helped to make her the woman she is today - the one you love. So that all was CRITICAL to her growth path. If she DIDN'T do all those things, she wouldn't be the person you love now! Heck right NOW she would be off sleeping around and being wild because she'd never gotten it out of her system earlier. That would make you miserable.

So first off, accept her fully for what she is - her past and present included. She is a special woman who has an interesting life and you have to accept ALL of it.

Finally, if YOU are looking for some excitement because YOU didn't get to burn all of those impulses out of your system in your earlier years, then talk to her about it! Lots of married couples have all sorts of interesting sex. Get a video or book on sexual positions and start trying them. Married couples have some of the best sex around because they have the luxury of experimenting a lot. So experiment!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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