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Love feels no burden, regards not labors, strives toward more than it attains, argues not of impossibility, since it believes that it may and can do all things.--Thomas Kempis

I'm Finally Ready to Date my Friend

Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
There's this man that I have known for about 27 years, since we were little kids. Our parents have remained very good friends throughout the years. After high school, I moved from the small town where we grew up and moved around. I never got married nor had any children. My childhood friend got married had two kids and divorced after his wife had an affair. Through the years, we both have always known what the other has been doing in life and relationships because our parents always stayed in touch. Two years ago, after my father's passing, my mother and I have moved back to the small town that I grew up in and I wound up working where he works. I know his parents, brother, sister-in-law, and his children very well. He and I have remained friends and have shared our tragic life stories with eachother.

Some of our co-workers think he and I have this fling going on since we always talk to eachother and give eachother things. I always tell them that "we're just friends." Truth is I've always liked him but we've been friends all these years.

Since his divorce several years ago, he's dated quite a few women, he's every woman's dream of a man...he's a very nice guy, good looking, wonderful personality, great sense of humor, loves to travel and do things, extremely good cook, he cleans, etc.

I haven't interferred with any of his relationships until his last girlfriend...only because she was a drunk, jealous of everyone, and was abusive towards him. Eventually he left her. Now he has another girlfriend which he wants me to meet but I haven't yet because of my busy schedule. But now she too is apparently jealous of me which I find absolutely ridiculous but everytime he gets a new girlfriend, our friendship gets a little strained because they get jealous of me. The funny thing is, I weigh over 200 lbs., and his girlfriends are always very petite but jealous of me. Despite their jealousy we continue to talk to eachother, ocassionally visit one another, and his mother and I go out of town shopping together.

We both have the same beautician who loves to ask me questions about him and tries to find out what my feelings are towards him, if I want to go out with him, etc. I don't know her very well so naturally, I tell her that he's just a real good friend. Then she tells me that he thinks highly of me and he really cares about me. Not sure what she means by that...if she means he really cares about me as a friend or otherwise....

Anyway, I'm so disgusted with these jealous women that I've actually contemplated losing the weight and dating him myself! Any advice or suggestions that you may have for me would be greatly appreciated.

What's a friend to do?

RomanceClass.com Advice
I have a whole set of pages on friend to lover here -


and I really think that you should! The VERY best relationships are between two great friends who really understand each other. That is the ideal situation for a long term happy relationship to form.

It's sad that you think your weight and his girlfriends' thinness matters at ALL. I have dated guys of all shapes and sizes and all of my friends have too. What someone IS as a person has nothing to do with what their body is SHAPED like. That's MTV feeding those stupid stories of 'thin girls are better' to people.

That being said, I also know that being overweight can FEEL like a burden and start to affect everything you do. It also is as you know a HUGE health risk. I would really recommend trying a low carb diet. I know many people who safely lost 50 pounds or more in 3 months or so, and were full and happy and eating delicious food the entire time. It's about drinking a lot of water, eating lots of vegetables and fresh fish, chicken and meat. The healthier you get, the better you'll feel about yourself and the more secure you will feel in getting closer to him.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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