I'm not a virgin anymore and he has issues with it
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
So here's the thing. I've known this guy since I was a freshman in highschool, he was 20 yrs old back then. We've been the best of friends since then. I'm a 3rd year college student now. It was just about 5 months ago when he finally told me he liked me. Of course I had no idea, although I've liked him ever since. He's never even touched my hand or anything and we've known each other for a long time! The dilemna is I kind of dated a guy a month before he confessed and I sorta lost my virginity to him. When he found out he kinda went ballistic. He didn't talk to me for a week, but then he forgave me afterwards and told me to stop being worried because he was just shocked when he reacted a bit drastically. Everything has been silent ever since. He says he's ok but I feel like it's the total opposite...and I have no idea what to do
Thanks, I appreciate your help with this..
This is a tough one, because you cannot change the past. There is nothing you can do, AND you did nothing wrong. This problem is entirely his - he simply needs to get over the fact that you are not a virgin.
I am always in favor of openness and honesty, but I am not sure in this case that having a frank discussion with him about this will actually work. It depends on what his motives are for being upset. Maybe they are religious, or are culturally imprinted. Maybe he now feels inexperienced next to you. These things might affect his pride or self-esteem. He really has to work this out for himself.
I would try to have a gentle talk with him. See if he is open to discussing it. See if you can have a conversation with him and a trusted clergymember if you have one, or talk to a guidance counselor together. Whatever you feel comfortable with.
It may be that he simply can't get past this. You may have to be patient. Just remember that you are not at fault here; you didn't do anything wrong, and to not let him disrespect you in tone or attitude.
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com