Strong oppose by his parents and he is weak.. what shall I do!!!??
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I love a guy from last three years. He also loves me. But seems like that love is not giving him enough strength to talk strongly to his parents about our marriage!!! A year ago it was his first attempt to tell them about our relationship and tell them that he wants to marry me. But as his parents are literally 'Illiterate' and are from a very small village, where cast is more important, they refused strongly our marriage proposal. Let me tell you that we both are from different cast and actually I belong to 'so called higher cast' than him!!! Still his parents are not ready for our marriage because of three reasons-
1. different cast issue
2. I am very well educated and his entire family is full of illiterate people except him and his big brother (all his four sisters are hardly 7th passed!!!)
3. We both are of same age.
Initially they tried strong emotional blackmailing him as he is a very emotional guy. So after such oppose by his family he told me that as his parents are very old he can't hurt them and let's forget about marriage...
after this we both were fighting on this issue for almost 6-7 months. but he was very firm on his decision.. Meanwhile he got a chance to do his higher studies outside India, in Europe. We were still fighting... In last March I went there to meet him and to convince him that he should not do like that to me.. I know this was a very wrong move from my side.. but sorry I could not help it because I loved him a lot and wanted to try every possible thing to get him back.. he behaved very nicely with me there and was crying and showing his helplessness...
Then again in July he came back to India for a month and tried to convince his parents. But this time their oppose was so strong, bad and level down that even I got 'Yuk' feeling about the family and there thinking. They were not allowing him to talk to me or even meet me once. They were all the time keeping eye on him. And still when we managed to meet for one last time when he was about to return to Europe, they talked so rudely to him and cursed him a lot!! My ex's behavior this time was worse to me and he was feeling so bad that he hurt everyone of them and his image of good boy is now no more like that!!!
After all this drama, even I was seek of all these things. I tried to engage myself in other activities. But suddenly recently he mailed me that he now has understood all the bad things he had done to me and now regrets a lot!!! He just wanted to talk to me once on video chat. Initially I refused, but then I felt so pity for him and I talked to him. He was literally crying like anything!!! But still he is not sure if he take any firm step for our marriage!!! He is feeling helpless.
I would like to tell you that he is really a nice, decent guy, and even I know that he is not that strong to handle the situation. He doesn't want to lose me but at the same time doesn't know what to do.. He doesn't want to take much risk about his parents as they are old age. But I feel like there are so many ways to convince his parents!!! All he needs is to gather all the courage and try strongly.. but he is not doing that!!! Now again we both chat and talk and cry a lot that how we don't want to lose each other but how still he is not sure if he can really do anything!!! He always cries saying 'U r really a gr8 girl and I know it will be my biggest loss in life to lose u!!!'
My friends tell me that if I always be available for him like this, he will never gather the courage until he is in 'Now or never' situation!!
So I don't know what to do and how to behave with him.. what to do so that he will at least talk firmly to his parents!!!
Plz plz plz help me to save our relationship!!!
I think you do need to stand your ground here. He sounds like a lovely man, but is a little meek when it comes to his family. If you want him for a husband he would hopefully make it plain that you come first in his life. This has really been going on for too long a time. It's keeping you from perhaps moving on and finding another nice man who is ready to marry.
Can you talk together with him and a counselor or clergymember? You are both stuck in limbo right now, and maybe getting some outside opinions can help shed light on what is the right path to follow. It may be that you will need to push him from your mind and move on. Good luck!
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com