I Want my Ex Back
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I went out with a guy for 3 years. About a week ago we both decided to break up. But now I think it's a bad choice. He's taking it seriously, although, he's been giving me all these weird signs.
I..I want him back, but I don't want him to think I'm desperate. What do I do? Should I try to act like if nothing and ignore the situation or move on? I asked him about it and he won't change his mind. He says that it's better off because he didn't want us hating each other. Please, help me.
If you both decided to break up, something very serious must have been wrong. You don't just randomly break up with someone on a whim after 3 years. It had to have built up to that point after a long while.
It's always very easy after a breakup to idolize the great times and completely forget about the bad times. In the pain and loneliness of being boyfriend-less, you start to think, "He was actually pretty good! We had good times! Why did we break up!" And it sort of snowballs.
I would really give yourself time to get through the rebound period without leaping into anything - either back to him or into another relationship. Spend time on yourself, doing things you love, enjoying things you enjoy. Be happy with yourself. Once a month or two has passed, start being friends with him again. Just friends. Go out to dinner with him and just talk about the things that went wrong - what they were, why they happened. If you can really, honestly talk about those issues, you have a chance of at least being friends again and maybe being more. But if either of you leaps into a rebound relationship in the next month, or if you can't even talk to each other seriously about those issues even after a month, that's not a good sign.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com