What changed? I made a mistake..
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I spent 3 weeks with my boyfriend. During that 3 weeks was our one year anniversary. He gave me a ring. We are in a long distance relationship but I'm moving closer. About 20 minutes away. Seeing him everyday was an option. Anyways when I got hone again, I was depressed. I missed him, I was lonely. My mom was diagnosed with a heart problem and I needed to figure things out. I told him I needed my space. Just for a bit to figure things out. I knew it hurt him, he begged for me everyday and I reassured him I love him and need time to be here for my mom and myself. Anyways, he called me once when I was out and said he needed me, embaressed from arguing about the fact I couldn't talk I freaked at him and hung up. I called him when I got home and told him I need him to give me space. He finally gave up. I messenged him back a couple days later and asked him to watch tv with me. (on the phone). We finally worked things out that day before he went to work. Next thing I know, that night he's telling me I hurt him and he can't take me back, and the only thing I said was "stay out of my life" because he kept hurting my feelings by saying stuff about "other men", I didn't mean it and I told him that, I understand he's hurt cause I never said anything like that before. For awhile I begged for him. His mom told him not to take me back. He kept being distant and acting like a jerk. I just want him back. I gave him everything.. And I don't wanna cry anymore. He says he loves me. He once even told me we were only going through something. He told me if I do anything with anyone he'd never talk to me again. He called me once cause I didn't talk to him for 3 days. And that was "to see how I was doing.." .. I don't understand his meaning of "I can't right now" I gave him alot of space. And now he's talking to this other girl on msn and the phone.. I'm just scared. I can't live without him. He said he doesn't wanna fight for 6 hours on the phone but I don't either. And he just keeps saying "I can't" I need him back. He told me I have a special place in his heart and always will, and no one can replace it. And to him "im the one that got away." ... I just need advice. It's been a month and I can't handle not being with him :(
I think in this case you need to move on. When he needed you, you told him you wanted your space. Now he wants his space. It sounds like he took the time to get over you and it was probably hard for him. He mistook your need for space as rejection. He doesn't want to get hurt again even though you are now feeling you are ready for *him.*
It sounds like a matter of bad timing. :(
If you want to try a last effort to woo him back, you might need to be creative. Write him love poetry, or a long letter explaining your side of things and that you don't want to live without him. Apologize for making him feel rejected and explain that you were too concerned over your mother's illness to think clearly. Just be very sorry you hurt him and tell him how much you do love him. Make him a gift of something special, like a drawing, painting, collage or whatever you can do that shows time and effort and thought. Sing him a song. Basically, pull out the stops for a big romantic gesture and a show of contrition.
It might not work, but what do you have to lose? At least you will go out trying, and you will know you did everything you could before giving up and moving on.
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com