Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I have been going out with my girlfriend for two years and we recently split she says she loves me and i think i love her but i get jelous over every little thing from her posting a picture of herself to her wearing dresses or going to parties, i know its ruining everything but i seriously need help , advice and guidance in steps of what i should do , ive read the other topics and answers but none of them give me a clear instruction of what i can do , ive tried things like asking myself questions and writing them down and reading it over etc and i know its all in my head but i need help to try and controll it. I would be very greatfull if you could get back to me as soon as possible please because i cant go on feeling like this. Advice
Jealousy is an ugly emotion and I am happy to see you are working honestly on rooting it out of your life. Mainly, you feel insecure about yourself and are projecting that out as distrust in others. Sometimes this distrust is warranted - but mostly it isn't. Most people do try to be honorable.

I always feel it's best to start any relationship with a foundation of trust. Set the bar high. Trust in your friends and girlfriends. If things happen to abuse your trust, then you deal with that and move on. But starting out with a foundation of distrust is going to sabotage every relationship you ever have, forever. If you have to start with something, you may as well start with trust.

Do you have a counselor you can speak with, or a pastor, or adult whose advice you rely on? Ask them for help in getting control of your jealousy. Maybe seek an anger management class - often anger and jealousy are the twin heads of this green eyed monster. You do need more one-on-one help, from your description of your issues, than making lists or journaling about this can provide for you.

I would take this issue seriously if you wish to improve the quality of your live. Read everything you can on taming jealousy, ask for advice from lots of older people who have been there, and join an anger management class. See if those options can help you. You can do this! Good luck.

-- from Jill
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