Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
To make a long story just a bit shorter, I'm a senior in high school and I've had really strong feelings for the same guy since freshmen year. He does know that I like him...I'd say that he has known since AROUND this time last year. Yet things continued going the same way - we talked, we were friends. But this year has been...weird. He started to do weird little things...we were in a show together and he had to introduce my scene, and I cannot even explain how nervous he was. And the thing is that, he introduced someone else's scene, too, and he did not care at all. With me, he was constantly approaching me, checking to make sure what he was saying was okay, saying how nervous he was, etc. Then the following week he started showing up to places on days when...he never showed up before, and when asked why by people, he would smirk and shrug. Then the staring started happening, and it still does happen now. Sometimes when I catch him looking, he'll quickly look away, or sometimes he'll continue staring until I become self-conscious and I look away. Somedays he practically chases after my friends and I to talk, and there is really nothing to even talk about. And yet, as these signs were going on, I found out from mutual friends that he said that he "does not have feelings for me." And when asked why, apparently he just shrugged. I think it's also important to mention that he once said that he "does not have time for a girlfriend." And still, signs continue. He still stares, and he still does talk to me sometimes, but other times when I am right there with other friends, he leaves quickly, and when I pass him in the hallway, sometimes he waves quickly almost as though he is just greeting me to be nice. And yet other times, it's a huge smile.
I know of things that are on his mind, concerning family and stuff. I also know that he once told me that he was "hard to read." There are just a lot of different scenarios right now. Some people say that he may be denying his feelings BECAUSE he doesn't have time for a relationship and because he has a lot going on, and others, in nice ways, tell me it is absolutely hopeless. I honestly do not know what to believe, or how to even act around him sometimes. Based on this knowledge, would you say there is any hope, and how should I continue handling this?
I would go with what he told you outright. He seems to really like and have feelings for you. But if he has a complicated life right now in other ways, it seems clear that he is being smart by not dating. I would continue to be friends and enjoy his company - but don't carry a torch for this guy. If he decides he would like to pursue something with you, he will find a way to make that clear.
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com