Monthly Agruments -Is this normal?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. The thing is, we always argue (*over silly or important things). I never really noticed that we do it each month until it kept on happening. I used to be calmed whenever we argued and stuff but now I'm not anymore. He makes me so mad! But, the truth is ..... I'm just hurt. I'm his first real girlfriend that he had so, I'm pretty much his first for all of the arguments and emotions he has experienced. I don't expect him to know how girls are like but, I want him to at least know a little about it. I do teach him too. And I feel like we always get each others back. For example, he is mad and I am not. Then, he is calm and I am mad. I love him very much and I want to be with him but, I'm not sure anymore because we always argue. I'm so tired of arguing and I even told him. Is this even normal anymore? Should I stay with him? I don't know what to do .... I dont want to leave him. Please help me :( (*I DID look through the tips but, I was confused at some point.) Advice
There is no simple answer to this. Unfortunately, arguments are normal and will happen between couples on a regular basis. If this is only once a month, then it sounds reasonably normal to me. If you argue weekly, then I would start to be worried. For daily arguments, then the relationship is not sound at all and needs to end.

It also depends on the arguments themselves. I hope there is no physical abuse involved. End things right now if there is. But if what is happening is yelling and crying, you can probably work with that. See if you can find someone to help you both learn to control your anger and outbursts, and to teach you better communication techniques. This kind of learning (whether from books, a counselor or a clergymember) will serve you in good stead across your while life.

Lastly, if this all sounds like too much work...then perhaps the relationship is simply not meant to be. Only you can decide what is right for you.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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