Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I recently lost my girlfriend because of, mainly, a jealousy issue. Iíve always struggled with jealousy in past relationships, which also tends to lead to me being sort of controlling and possessive and leaves me with the inability to give her the space she needs. For example when Iím really upset and I canít get a hold of her, I call repetively. There is no founded reasons for the jealousy, I trust her so much and never think that she would cheat or do anything to hurt me like that and yet I still have these overwhelming jealous feelings. I feel sometimes like sheís going to find someone else and that scares me, even when she said Iím the one she wants to be with. All of this has led to lots of fighting and pushing her away from me. We werenít together a tremendously long time, about 8 months, but we moved in together very soon, about a month after we started dating, which really made us get comfortable with each other very quick, puts lots of unneeded pressure on each other and the relationship, as well as just spending far too much time together at the start of the relationship and almost no time with our friends, etc. We are currently in the process of moving out of our apartment to separate places, and taking some time apart. Iím trying to give her as much space as I can but it is very difficult because I still miss her allot and want to spend time with her. I have also started reading up by myself and started talking to a counsellor for my jealousy to try and resolve my issues. She said she still wants to be with me and cares about me, but she needs to see lots of improvements with my jealousy and possessiveness before sheíd be ready to start a relationship again.
Do you think that moving out will improve our relationship, and give us the chance to start new and actually date each other without having to worry about living one life and all the stresses, and do you think that seeking all the appropriate help I need, we may be able to get back together?
I know theres no way for you to know, but Im just looking for some advice on my jealous problem and what you think.
Yes. I do think moving out and spending time apart can only be helpful. Things got too heavy too fast. It's never good to drop the rest of your lives in a new relationship. It places a ton of pressure on each other to fulfill every need you both have. I think you know that is unrealistic.
What is encouraging to me is that you KNOW you have a jealousy problem and are taking steps to correct it. Keep talking to your counselor. Keep reading about how to manage jealousy. Work on yourself, and your self-control.
This will serve you in good stead for the rest of your life, and I think you are being very smart to work on YOU right now. Take small steps with each other going forward. Let her know you are really working on your issues. I think you have a good chance!
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com