A VERY COMPLICATED SITUATION
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
hi, thank you for taking the time to read this.. im 29 and i have been with my ex for 3 yrs. to make a long story short i was with my high school sweetheart for 2 yrs about to get married when i caught him cheating on me with 7 girls, one of which was my friend. I broke up with him and 4 months later met my ex. he was so sweet to me but too sweet where i feel i took advantage of it.. buyin things giving me whatever i wanted. he would press about how he wanted me and wouldnt stop till he got me. now at this point i started letting things that happen in the past mess with me and i was giving him cold shoulders cause i didnt want to get hurt again. how i felt then was i will guard my heart and i wont be played again. but the problem was he really loved me. now during our relationship we found out i was preg. ( i have a son and he has 2 girls) but i have endo and lost the baby. we broke up right after that. yes we were still having sex. i ended up catching him with another girl ( he had said there was no other) and it hurt me. well got over it started talking to this guy. when my ex found out he said i broke his heart. so i stop talking to him. i didnt talk back to my ex till this past january. my problem is that we act like we are together but we are not i call him my man he calls me his girl we do all the couple things but he is not ready for a relationship... also he is a only child that takes care of his parents and since we argue before his mom does not approve of him being around me he has to sneak... he his 33 yrs old! i feel like im in high school.. but he is latino and they take family very serious.. when he gets mad he always says im done with you... but comes right back.. still acting like we are together... i love and care for him and he does too. but in my thought of this i think he is scared.. the only thing is just couple months ago all of our children met( his girls live in jersey) and he acts like daddy to my son. my son calls him stepdad and my ex doesnt mind... I am sorry this is long but all my friends think i need to leave him but my heart saids different. yes i know i messed up in our relationship but all this just doesnt happen for nothing... i look forward to hearing what you think! thank you again i know this is crazy..
You don't sound crazy at all. Love can be very complicated. Unfortunately, you both have a lot of baggage here. There are children, elderly parents, sneaking around, and culture differences. People have been hurt in the past, and cheated on. I don't think either of you are coming into this with a clear and open heart. In other words, you both have a lot to work on inside yourselves, before you can even think of trying to create a safe, intimate, committed relationship that will WORK.
I think you deserve a lot more than that. He might be very nice, and your children might like him...but it still seems like there are too many snarls to untangle. I would take a deep breath and move on.
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com