He Flirts when I Start It
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
There is a guy that I have known for around 5-6 years. We went to the same youth group through High School. And since he started college (he is a year older than I am), we kept in contact. This last January I saw him a few times and talked to him...and was curious as to how he felt about me. He told me that he had no feelings for me beyond friendship.
It has been around 6 months since that conversation, and this guy and I have become much closer friends. We see each other under many circumstances (church or I visit the college he and my other friends go to or other times). He is in a band, so I have gone to every show and made it clear I was there to support them...and frequently talk to him about the band...and even did a photo shoot for them (once he found out that I loved photography).
Now this is my thing. Every once and a while... he will contact me first. But usually it is me that texts/facebooks/calls him. But we talk about a lot of stuff. Some stuff that I wouldn't talk to other people about. Obviously I am REALLY interested in him. But I can't tell how he feels. He is always there when I need him, and he always seems happy to see me, and he flirts back with me most of the time. But then there are those times where he backs off and doesn't show much interest. I can't tell if maybe he just isn't sure how he feels... or if he realizes he is flirting, doesn't like me, and then stops. But he always goes back to the initial flirting. It's hard to understand and interpret.
Can you offer me any help/advice?
It's definitely a good sign that he flirts and enjoys your company. He may also have many distractions in his life being in college. He may be primarily focused on those issues in his life and not be in a place where he can think about a serious relationship. So he enjoys it when you start up conversations, but he doesn't have any internal drive right now to do that himself.
It's important to realize that you two may be in different stages of life right now, and that is fine. You want a boyfriend. He wants to focus on other things. If you want to be with him when he eventually comes around to a spot where he does want a girlfriend, then I'd keep on with your path. Remain in his life, remain a friendly, fun person. Remain someone that he enjoys spending time with. That way when his life becomes open for a relationship to become a focus, you are there.
But also be aware that you could be stringing yourself out for years for something that never bears fruit. Maybe when he finishes college he's going to move to Hawaii for a perfect job and you'll never see him again. Is it going to be worth it to remain without a partner for years just for the hope of getting this one particular guy? Are you sure that there's not a perfect guy for you somewhere in your life who would love to be with you, but who isn't getting the chance?
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com