She's Engaged to an Inappropriate Guy

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Me and this girl have been getting really close. The problem is she's engaged and her partner forbids her from talking to me but we do anyway. She is almost 17 and I'm almost 19. They plan on moving in together and getting married soon after she turns 18. She knows he isnt really ready to be a husband.

She has been stuck between us for about a month and a half and i know when they get married it will be almost impossible for us to talk. We have become extremely close and I'm worried she's making a mistake by getting into all this so young. They've been together for a year and have broken up twice.

I'm pretty sure her biggest concern is hurting him, but I've been hearing him pull extremely low things on her. I dont know what to tell her or how to proceed with this year leading up until she's 18. Advice
She is talking about a decision that is going to affect her entire life. She can't be worried about hurting him right now - she has to absolutely make the best decision for her. If it is not the best decision for him, then that right there shows the marriage was not meant to be. A couple should only get married if it is the right thing for her AND it is the right thing for him. To get married just so "he doesn't get hurt" makes no sense at all. He'll be far more hurt married to a miserable person for the rest of his life.

I would absolutely recommend they have couples' pre-marriage counseling - that is a very standard thing for couples to do when preparing to marry. Make sure both of them talk about these issues. If she thinks he isn't ready, and she's going forward anyway, then that's a clear warning sign. She needs to be taking her own concerns far more seriously. She cannot be a doormat to him if she wants to be a healthy partner in this relationship.

Help them get into the hands of trained professionals.


-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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