I Love my Ex and my Current GF
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I'm 19years old, a lesbian. My current girlfriend is 27years old. We're only dating for a month and a half now. I love everything about her and I enjoy being with her. Everything else is fine, but her sexual needs, its a turn off for me. I told her that I'm not a sexual person though. But, she continues to pester me with it. She always asked me if I loved her cause I don't wanna do it with her. I just don't understand why she has to question me when she knows that it doesn't relate to why i reject her needs. I love her but not her sexual focus.
And now, comes the former girlfriend who's a year younger than me. She's a butch. She's there for me every time I need her. She's just always there. I feel the chemistry with her. I feel she's close to me. And I feel that I still love her. But when I told her about my current girlfriend, she's not happy with it. We broke up because she wanted it. Right now, she told me, she won't let me go. And it seems that I don't wish to lose her too cause I need her to be with me.
The situation now is that, I don't wanna lose my former girlfriend and my current girlfriend. I love them both. So what do I do?
There are multiple issues in play here so let's take them one by one.
First, unless the two women are open to a polygamous relationship, you can't date them both. The person you choose to partner with deserves to be your main focus in life. If you go running to your ex when your current girlfriend upsets you, and vice versa, neither relationship will be strong. Since your main relationship is having issues right now, I'd be really cautious about bringing your ex into your life. It will be too easy for you to turn to her when you need help, instead of turning to your partner and working on the issues.
Second, the sexual incompatibility. This is an issue in many relationships. It's fairly common for one person to want it more than the other. In your case, though, it sounds like you are completely uninterested in sexual contact with her. That will be an extremely hard challenge for any partner to face. Only a minority of people can embrace being celibate for their entire life.
If you felt celibate all the time it would be one thing - but you say you have a chemistry with your ex that you feel. So it sounds like you wouldn't mind being intimate with your ex. If so, it sounds like you should examine why you're willing to be intimate with your ex but not with your current girlfriend. That would be a fairly important topic to talk through and figure out sooner rather than later.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com