logo


Romantic Forums! Get the answers you seek quickly and easily! If you can't find what you need
here amongst our tens of thousands of tips and questions, be sure to Post in our Romantic Forum!
We've got over 9,800 members ready to give you a hand!
A Love Quote
We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love. --Mother Teresa



She loves me, she's not in love



Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Ok, here's my situation. Me and my girlfriend were together for 4 years. And in those 4 years we've had the best of times, and the worst. We've been through everything. I was her first real boyfriend.

Towards the last three months she really distanced herself from me. She was always busy with school and work. So, finally when we sat down to talk about it, she started crying and said she didnt want to hurt me but she couldn't do this anymore.

Now that we are no longer together, she still call me everyday, we still hangout on her days off, and we e-mail each other when we can't talk. She said she loves me but is no longer IN-LOVE with me, and she still wants to be bestfriends.

I am really unsure what to do. I really do beleive her, wwhen she tells me that she never wants to be close like that again, and all she wants is friendship. But is that possible, to just stop being in love with someone and be there best friend. How do i get her back? or will she comeback? I feel like she is still my girlfriend, minus all the intimacy. And everytime i bring up getting back together, she gets defensive, and says she doesn't want to talk about things like that anymore because it hurts her to reject me.

Should i back off? I am really confuzed. I really miss her and any insight on my situation would be very much appreciated.




RomanceClass.com Advice
I have to say that you deserve a far better answer than that. You guys were together for many years. To say something like "I feel Iggly but I don't feel Ziggly" is completely meaningless. Every single person has different definitions of "love" and "in love" and so on. The only way you will know what she means is if she tells you.

Obviously people who are happy don't break up. So SOMETHING was making her unhappy and she has put this "not in love" name on it. But again that is meaningless. She has to tell you WHAT she felt was missing. Was it the passion and romance? Maybe she doesn't realize it, but relationships come in stages and they naturally change over time. The passion she had at first isn't meant by nature to continue forever! I have a page on it here -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/stages.asp

Maybe she felt things were 'getting boring' and therefore she was no longer 'in love'. But actually that meant your relationship was maturing and more serious now, when you were best friends and not wound up in the passion side of things. If she thought this was "bad" she will be in for a shock with any other relationship she goes into!

I would sit down with her - read the tips I have on how to have a serious talk with someone. And say yes it might hurt, but that part of being a mature adult that's old enough to date is being mature about ending it so both people understand and can grow. That for her to run off and say "I'm not in love any more - you figure that out for yourself" is being immature. If you can hear it, she can say it, and it's her responsibility to say it. WHAT bothered her? WHAT did she feel was missing? And in fact WHAT steps did she take IN the relationship to try to fix it before she decided to just run off? A relationship is about both people working 100% towards making things work. If she saw a problem, she should have spoken up so you both could fix it. If she didn't she's equally to blame. And now at least she should be able to TELL you, now that she's already abandoned ship like she did.

Maybe if you guys have this talk and it all gets out in the open, you can work on things and get back together again. But if you are still close and talking and like best friends that is THE key to the relationship. It really sounds like she somehow got hung up on some 'hot sex is key to a relationship' idea and decided that your friendship, while nice, wasn't what a "real love" was about. Which is the exact opposite of the truth.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





Add RomanceClass  to Twitter Add RomanceClass  to Facebook Add RomanceClass  to MySpace Add RomanceClass  to Del.icio.us Digg RomanceClass+ Add RomanceClass  to Yahoo My Web Add RomanceClass  to Google Bookmarks Add RomanceClass  to Stumbleupon Add RomanceClass  to Reddit
 


Speak Your Mind - Share your Thoughts on this Question!

All Advice in the category - Breakup Issues

Browse our Answer Database
- Browse Answers by Question Category
- Browse Answers by Age Group
- Browse Answers by Date of Response



Please read through the advice on this site before you Submit your Own Question! We have thousands of pages of valuable advice that can immediately help you with your situation.
Advertisement


Sparkly Irridescent Glitz Gel

Going to a party or special event? What to feel special no matter what you're doing? Roll on some glitz! Perfect for adding a special bit of sparkle to your day or evening.

Buy Glitz Gel at EclecticLady.com




Bookmark this site so you can reference it any time you need romantic / relationship info in the future!

Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Twitter Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Facebook Add Romance+Class+Website+ to MySpace Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Del.icio.us Digg Romance+Class+Website+ Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Yahoo My Web Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Google Bookmarks Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Stumbleupon Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Reddit


 

Follow Me on Pinterest


Romantic Tshirts, Bags, Mugs and More!

Love is Patient
Love is Patient ...
Deeply Loved
Deeply Loved ...
Random Kindness
Random Kindness ...

These are just a small selection - Visit the RomanceClass Shop!

Join This Newsletter!


 
RomanceClass on Facebook




Join This Newsletter!

Past Issues





| About RomanceClass | Advertising | Privacy Policy | Submit a Suggestion |
All content copyright 2013 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.

this site is for amusement only - professional advice is not being rendered

origami wedding favors