He Wanted Freedom
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I really want my ex back... it's been about 8 days now since our break up. He seems really convinced that both he and I should move on... but without a doubt, me and him loved each other very much...
The reason why he broke up with me is because he said he wanted his "independence and freedom" back, but isn't there a way I can get my ex back?
He goes out often now and he seems cold to me... but I know he isn't that type of person. He's abruptly changed his appearance randomly and he told me "I can do what I want now and no one can stop me".
I want to maintain this friendship that he and I have, but then again I always want to get closer.
I asked him one time if he would want to get back together, he said "yeah, of course, in the future... but not now". That gave me SOME hope...
He said about 6 months or even more he would be ready, but my girl friend told me that guys can't plan the future, they can't estimate time.
I'm really confused... is there a way I can get him back? or should I just move on...
I think men and women can all plan for the future :) Otherwise we wouldn't have much of a civilization. But I think rather than guessing about what might or might not happen months down the road, it's important to focus on what is going on right now.
You need to ask yourself why your ex felt so stifled by the relationship that he felt the only way to be happy was to break it off for you. He says he wanted independence and freedom - to do what? Were there things he wanted to do that you were holding him back on? What was the reason that being with you was preventing him from reaching his goals and dreams?
Certainly if he wanted the freedom to date other women, that would be one fairly clear thing. In that case you need to ask yourself what he might have felt was missing in your current relationship that he wanted to get elsewhere.
But if he's not off dating other women, what else about the relationship did he feel was stifling? That's what you need to focus on. If you were holding him down, and it made him unhappy, then it's unlikely he'd want to return to that. He would only return if he thought things had changed. So this is what you need to work on.
If you honestly have no idea at all why he was unhappy, then that's not a good sign. It's then time to talk with family, friends, and even him, to get an idea of what he was so stifled by.
And then that's the first step towards fixing it.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com