Getting to Know my Ex Next Door Neighbor
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I think I love one of my good friends. First, some background: She was that girl-next-door that I finally met about two and a half years ago, thanks to my sister. Since then, we've become great friends, but it's not just me and her. It's my sister (13), her sister (12), me (15), and her (14) that are a group of best friends. I know she used to like me, but that was two years ago. We've gotten real close but recently they moved away.
Thankfully, our parents are best friends so we see each other every weekend or so. But, we are in different school districts. So, it's not like we see each other every day like we used to.
I've really grown to like this girl, since the beginning of this summer. I want to talk to her about how I feel, and get closer to her but there is seldom any time between just us two. I don't think she likes me the way I like her, but I think that she does have just some feelings for me. I just don't know how or when and in what way to tell her.
I don't want to ask her to be my girlfriend or to date me or anything like that, I just want to tell her how I feel and talk to her about this whole situation. I always just 'liked' her, but it has really grown in the past month. She is all I ever think about. Every thought when I wake is of her. My last thought before sleeping is her. I depress myself when I think of bad things that could happen to her. I really care for her. And because we only see each other every two weeks most of the time, I miss her horribly. I miss her so much that I go into depression. I am only truly happy when I'm around her.
There are girls at school that look like her and when I see them I just want to scream. This really annoys me. I don't want to feel this bad when I'm not around her.
I'm also scared of what would happen if I did tell her. There'd be added tension of course, and I'd be nervous around her. This could even change our friendship I fear. I don't want it to be that way.
So, my question is, how should I go about telling her? Should I just break it to her or kinda lead her on? If the moment just feels right and I'm sensing some vibes from her should I just attempt to kiss her?
This is really frustrating. I have all of these feelings and emotions I want to share with her but I am scared to and I don't know how I should. And mind you, I'm only 15 so I can't drive or take her anywhere to just talk or even date. And my other question, which I'm sure really doesn't have a straight or sure answer, is what am I feeling truly love for this person? My head is spinning with these emotions and questions and "what if?"s. I need help with this.
First, it sounds like you have a crush on this girl that is bordering on obsession. You should NEVER only be truly happy when you are around someone. You should be happy with your own friends, your hobbies, your pasttimes. Yes she can ADD to that joy that you have, as you bring your worlds together. But it sounds like instead you are obsessing about her and wanting HER to bring you happiness. Which is a really, really bad thing.
So your first task really needs to be to gain some perspective on this whole situation. Yes, you like her. Yes, she's neat! But no human can EVER be your source of happiness. That is too much of a burden for any person to bear. You can choose to support each other in your joint happiness, but if you are totally miserable without her, what sort of that is a partner or life to offer to her to share?
When you are able to get yourself into a more content state, then start to be best friends with her that are 'comfortable with each other'. Do NOT just launch into kissing her! Instead read this advice -
and take it slow. The best relationships are built on best friendships, which you guys are already building. So start to introduce hugs and cheek-kisses and other normal contact into it. Build it up.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com