My Ex Has a new GF - I'm Jealous

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
i have been dating this guy for a couple of months. he was really in to me more than i was to him. he was going so fast in the relationship and i told him that he should slow down as he already started talking kids. i was sooo busy at the time with work and study i didn't give him enough attention.

then one night i was really stressed and i told him that i can't cope with a relationship at the moment. he was very upset, he nearly cried and he said that he is crazy about me and he wants me to try again.

i told him that i'm going to call him in couple of days to talk about it but i didn't. i heard from friends that he goes out every night drinking, so i called him and i said we should be friends. we went out for coffee and he was trying to take me back without saying it. then when i went home i felt like i wanted him back.

then i called him couple of days later and he told me that he is dating someone. i was so angry with him as he shouldn't date someone if he had real feelings for me then i put the phone down.

a week later i called him and we met for coffee and i told him that i want him back. he said that a big part of him wants to be with me but he worries if its not going to work again. so he said the best thing was to be friends to get to know each other and then will see how it goes. i agreed, but i feel so bad and i miss him and am very upset that he is going out with someone. i don't know what to do.

thanks Advice
It sounds like you were fine with the breakup, and didn't feel an urge to call him right away. The main reason you talked with him again was you were worried that he was drinking too much. You were OK with the idea of being friends with him. Even though you say that you became fond of him again, more days passed before you contacted him. So again there was no pressing rush there.

The main reason your emotions got riled is that he hopped to someone else quickly - that got you jealous and upset.

It can definitely be emotionally riling for an ex to immediately go off with someone else. Millions of women around the world can tell you they understand that emotion. It feels fine if your ex is pouting and missing you. It feels NOT fine if your ex delightfully moves on to be with someone else. Suddenly he seems much more attractive.

You need to trust in your initial reactions - back before you had images of him dating someone else. You weren't that in to him. He was pushing you too much. You had other things in your life that needed to take priority.

Give those other things the priority that they need. Take care of yourself. Give yourself time to heal. Don't make snap decisions just because of jealousy. In time you will find that you can make the wise decision about him, once these current emotions get cleared away.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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