Four Years Later - I Still Want My Ex

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I knew this girl for a long time, we are actually childhood friends / family friends. Four years ago, we got involved intimately. We didn't had sex, but got really intimate. I think she felt for me at that time but I walked away because I had some personal problems. I was not doing well in college and was not sure if I'll even complete my graduation and will ever be able to get a job.

How can I commit to a girl when I am myself not sure of my future.

I made a big mistake by not telling her the reasons for my decisions.

Well four years later it turns out I really love her. But she says that i should have told her my reasons before and she doesn't trust me any more and that this is my punishment now that she will not be coming back. She's in a relationship right now. Amazingly, even our families want us to get married, but it won't be happening till she says yes.

So here I am asking you guys to tell me what to do. I am madly in love with this girl but she doesn't even consider me. Please tell me what should I do. Advice
If she is using words like "punishment" with you then it sounds like she is still hurt by the situation and has feelings about it. A person who is at peace with a past relationship doesn't seek to punish the person. She is not at peace with it. She is still upset about it and wants to have you suffer. This isn't a good thing.

Everybody makes mistakes in life, and she is holding a grudge against you for a decision you made four years ago when you were in a stressful time of life. The only way to get past that is to help her learn to trust you again. This won't happen overnight. You need to start from the beginning, explain to her that you made a mistake, that everyone makes mistakes, and that you're sorry. Then show her day by day that you learned from that mistake and can be trusted as a friend. Just work on the friendship for now.


-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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