I Cheated, Then Cheated Again, then Lied
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I was with my ex for a year and a half. We had the best times together and about 8 months into my relationship I cheated on her on new years night and I had a little too much to drink. I made out with another girl, which I honestly donít remember doing but it happened.
I was devastated at what I did and did everything I could to keep her by my side. It worked out and we were happily together and then came graduation. I ended up going to Cancun for my senior trip and was there for a week. I ended up kissing a roommate of mine (I roomed with all girls which was very stupid to do but two were cousins and the other as an old friend of mine). Why I kissed her, I wish I knew, but now I wish I never went to Cancun.
I got back and so much was going around inside my head and we broke-up. My friends, since it was summer, were going out a lot more and I went along as well I tried to make time to be with my ex and my friends as well.
We got back together and things seemed fine. Then something we were arguing about something, which I had no one to talk to, no one but the one I kissed in Cancun. I continued to talk to her and she only helped me with problems that my ex and me had, nothing else.
I never told my ex that I was talking to her and my ex found out. I was trying to hide it and it didnít work out that way. So try so hard to get over me and once she did, at about that time is when I fell SO SO deeply in love with her. To were my whole body honestly hurts throughout the whole day for about a month now. Iím willing to give up just about everything I own for her to give me another chance. To this day I try to help her out with what she needs, Iím there for her.
But the thing is that I asked her if she still loved me and in what way, she told me that she still loved me but as a person. I mean she loved me once so very much, isnít it possible to fall back in love with some one and how do I do it? I know in my heart that I will NEVER mess up again and that sheís honestly my soul mate and shouldnít ever give up.
The most, most important thing you can have in any relationship is honesty. You have to be able to trust your partner to stand by your side no matter what, and life can throw some REALLY nasty hurdles at you to overcome. There is always temptation everywhere, and if you can't trust your partner to be true to you, there isn't much point in being partners with that person.
Instead of being true, you cheated once. You felt sorry ... but the next opportunity you had, you cheated again. You felt sorry again. And then you got into arguments - and instead of talking to the person you were ARGUING with, which might actually have solved things, you went and chatted with the cheater-girl. And you lied to your ex about it! So now she had a DOUBLE betrayal (well actually a TRIPLE betrayal) because you were 1) a cheater that was 2) lying to your partner about 3) talking to the cheater about your problems instead of working them out with your partner like you should have been.
And now she won't trust you again to work on the relationship. Go figure!
The only way you can show you have changed is to BE a changed person. How can she trust you just because you say you've changed? You've said that many times in the past and it's never been true. So demonstrate your loyalty and honesty DAILY in every way you can. This isn't an easy process. Many people who have been betrayed like this never trust the betrayer again, and in fact many are damaged so much by the betrayal that they never trust ANYONE again. Which is really sad.
So your task is to prove to her that you were wrong, that you KNOW now how wrong you were and that you will do everything in your power, patiently, diligently, to show that your past misdeeds caused a permanent change in your view of life.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com