Am I exaggerating or not?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hello... I have a problem with my - otherwise fantastic - boyfriend. We met 5 months ago or so, right after I arrived in the UK for a study year abroad. He too is originally not from the UK, but from Latvia, although he's been living here for quite a few years, and goes back home only twice a year. We immediately got together and fell in love and so on, and everything would be perfect if it weren't for one thing.
A few months ago, while fooling around with his computer, I found in his favourite websites a Latvia-based dating site. Ok, on his profile it's written that he's looking just for friendship, and his private messages (yes, I *did* read them...) are innocent, but he had quite a lot of beautiful female aquaintances there. He found it out, and replied that those are friends of his from back home he wants to keep in tough with. I didn't really believe him.
Indeed, I noticed he stopped visiting that website, and visited a new one. Once again, looking for friendship and sending innocent messages, but the idea that the new acquaintances he's looking for are ALL pretty girls from his hometown is driving me nuts. He's *actively* searching for them...and he surfs that bloody website almost daily.
I tried to ask him why, he answers that it's just friends, that I don't have anything to worry about and that he needs only me and so on. (well, at some point he did tell me in a very harsh way that just because I have self-esteem issues this doesn't give me the right to be jealous...but then he felt really bad about it).
I don't know what to do, I was never this jealous before. I'm terribly scared of losing him - I love him, and unlike my past boyfriends he actually loves me back. I already feel like I disappear in comparison to his fantastic ex-girlfriends, I really don't need even this dating site problem. And at the same time I know that if I don't do anything about this jealousy it's going to screw up what's between us, in the long run. And i really, really, really don't want it.
Thank you, and sorry for the long text.
Ask him if he would mind if you signed up with a dating site, just for the friendship. His reaction will tell you a lot. If he gets angry then chances are that he's not going to these sites for just friendship. If he tells you that it might be a good idea, then he's going to these site for a legitimate reasons like maybe he's a little homesick.
I can tell that you do care for this guy and that you're scared of losing him, but if he is indeed going to these sites for something more that just friendship, then you're better off without him.
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com