What should I do?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I am a junior in high school, and there is a sophmore girl who I kind of like (she's only about six months younger than me). She also goes to my church semi-regularly. I first met her about a year ago, and have liked her since a couple weeks after I met her. Both her and I are rather shy, and I rarely get a chance to talk to her in person. I have chatted with her on facebook on occasion, but usually when I say "hi" to her on facebook she just ignores me. Now, I don't know if this is deliberate: she might be just getting on for a couple minutes and doesn't have time to talk, but I'm not sure. When I do see her in person, she is usually with friends and I get too nervous to talk to her. she has occasionally talked to me, when it would be obviously rude for her to ignore me, and sometimes when she is with her friends. There was one time (a couple months ago) that on a youth group trip we went out to eat, and I "happened" to sit next to her, but the way it worked out was that I was conversing with people on one side and she was talking with a different group of people on the other side. once or twice I happened to say something to her, but she either didn't hear me or ignored me.
I am not good looking by most standards (other than being tall), and am a little overweight (this doesn't bother me. it's just a fact), and do not play any sports, but I am very good at math and science and am ranked second in my class, and I think I am a nice person (though of course I am a bit biased...). I've said "hi" to her in the hallways occasionally, but she (again) doesn't hear me or ignores me, which discourages me and so I don't feel the courage to say "hi" as much next time... A couple times I have noticed her looking at me, but I don't know what this means. I want to be friends with her, but I don't know if she does... I recently got up the nerve to send her a message on facebook asking her to be my friend (I don't mean a friend request in the sense of facebook. I mean getting to know her better), but I haven't gotten a response yet (and indeed find myself wondering if I ever will...)
Anyway, that was just background information... What I want to know is what I should do to try to get to know her better. I expect you will say I should try to talk to her more often, and this I will try to do. When I want to talk to her on facebook, I usually just say "hi" or something like that and wait to see if she responds. if she doesn't I figure she isn't at a good time to talk or doesn't feel like talking at the moment. should I be a bit more aggressive and say more? I don't want to feel like I am bothering her, but I also don't want her to ignore me. If you have any advice on any part of this, I would greatly appreciate it...
Thanks in advance,
Another Confused Earthling
Hello Confused Earthling! You obviously have a great sense of humor; you're intelligent and interesting. What more could a decent girl ask for? One important thing I noticed in your letter is that you feel good about yourself. You say that you're not the most handsome guy, a little overweight and not a jock but you don't apologize for anything, you say 'it's just a fact'. I really like that. It shows tremendous self confidence. Please don't ever lose that, it'll take you a long way in this world. So now let's address the situation with this girl. When you chat with her on facebook why don't you start with something you have in common - ask her a question about it. When you just say 'hi', that doesn't require a response, so give her something to respond to. If she still ignores you then maybe she's not the girl for you, but there are plenty out there who'd be thrilled to get to know you. You're a fine person. Good luck.
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com