I'm Pregnant, He Took Off
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I'm 5 months pregnant and my boyfriend just broke up with me! I always thought we had a good relationship...granted we did have fights and up and downs...but generally...we both were happy...and neither of us ever showed signs of straying...until two weeks ago
my boyfriend went golfing on friday night..instead of coming to hang out with me...being 5 months pregnant and all..I felt rejected...so I threw a fit...so the weekened came and went...
he came over the next monday to make up not being with me that weekend...everything was fine! He acted like he wanted to be together...but I asked him questions about his happiness...and he opened up and said that he needed to be alone...and wanted to break up...
his reason...he is confused...and feels he needs time for himself...he says he wants to go out on the weekends with any commitment to me.
I am so devastated cuz I feel like I am being abandoned during my pregnancy...all my friends have left to college...and since I have devoted 10 months to my boyfriend..I haven't made any new friends....
I love him so much...and he still tells me he loves me more than anything...he also says he is going to be there for the baby and me always...and he wont walk away...but I need help. I can't seem to live without him...and the best advice I got was give him his space and he will come back...
so is this true? should I just back off and hope he will come back? Should I depend on our child to bring us back together when he enters this world? What should I do? Im afraid..because he is so determined to be able to do whatever he wants...whenever.. Please help!
There are several things here. First, each of you NEEDS to have some sort of happiness outside of each other to be well rounded people. You both need friends, hobbies, things to do. If you don't have any friends that is NOT GOOD. For you to throw a fit because he wanted to play golf is not good either! So first off, he needs his time for his hobbies and you need your time for yours. Join a club for pregnant moms! Join a quilting group! Whatever it is, you need to get some other support in your world.
Next, it's fine and dandy for him to have his hobbies but you are the mother of his child and if he IS goign to be for you always, now is the time! For him to say "I'll always be there for you and the baby" and then say "Hey I do what I want when I want, I don't want to have to worry about anyone else" is very incompatible. Maybe he was just reacting to your fit, but if he's going to be a responsible father, NOW is the time to start. Your baby exists! It needs a safe environment which is YOUR BODY meaning you need to be taken care of. Haven't you seen the movies of guys running out at 2am because their pregnant partner craves ice cream and tunafish? It's what the guys do to help. They don't say "sorry I'm taking off, see ya."
So you need to make a decision here. Either assume that he's actually going to be a part of your baby's life and work to make it happen, or assume that he's not reliable enough and work to get new friends and new people in your life to form the support group. I personally would do both very strongly. It is very hard to raise a child, and you need people around you to give you a hand. Find those people now, and get yourself prepared for the 24 hours a day that the child will need. If golf-man isn't ready to be a part of that, then find someone who will.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com