So confused it hurts
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Okay, i've had a look and i do not think there is a question exactyl related to this, sorry about the complexity of this question.
Okay.. I have added this guy online becuase he is related
to one of my idols, he is the nephew, he's fourteen years old and I am sixteen. I have spoken to him quite a bit and known him online for about a month, he lives in England and I moved from England to New Zealand with my mum about 8 years ago so my father lives in England. I was planning to come back to England this July holidays over my school break so that i can see my family (my dad says he will pay but he doesn't always dwell on what he says). my dad lives all the way in Manchester northwest England but when talking to this boy online he said if i came to London during my holiday to England and met up with him he would introduce me to his uncle (my idol). But ever since I got a little open with him through messages and i looked at his photos and videos I kinda started to fall in love with him (I am a very romantic lovey kind of girl that likes to say cheesey sweet things), he was messaging me nice things and he seems really nice and what he offered to do (to let me meet his uncle0 impacted on me a bit. And now i'm in love with him but its more of an infatuation/ i can't get him off my mind love, now seeing my idol doesn't really matter to me anymore I actually really want to see him instead (I don't know if he believes me when I say I'd rather see him). So as I started liking him more and more I posted it on my status's on facebook and he commented them asking who i was in love with and I private messaged him and slowly revealed I was talking about him, and then he revealed that he was in love with me aswell, I then started getting quite attatched and saying lots of sweet things to him like 'I can't stop thinking about you', he started to go from sending really lovey messages to just 'yeah' and ':)'. I then started hinting on my status's that he was confusing me. He ignored a few of my deep messages but then messaged me saying 'i'm sorry' and made up an excuse as to why he wasn't replying even though he was commenting on other peoples profiles and there was a sign of activity from him over the time he wasn't replying to me. I then started getting open and personal with him which i realised was stupid and I sent an apology message saying how it was wrong to ask him personal things when i barely know him, but how i still love him and everything. Then he replied to that message saying "i'm on facebook on an Iphone so its hard to message you sweet thing but you know i'm trying". Then after that he just sent casual messages to me so I started doing the hinting thing again he also started ignoring my messages for about a day. Then he randomly messaged me saying 'I feel really bad when I read your status's, i'm not rejecting you, I need you, why would I ever do such a thing'. He started getting all lovey again but I doubted him and so he got a bit frustrated. (may I also note i have had alot of relationships in the past that have been very upsetting
where I'd get lead on or lied to). But I reminded him that I was coming back to England and that i would come down to London to see him. Eventually he called me on my phone which would cost alot from England to New Zealand, we had a quick conversation not about our feelings he got all shy because his parents were around and he was on his way to visit his 'famous' uncle, he told me he loved me in a cute voice about 5 times before hanging up but he sounded very giddy. After that he sent me more casual messages, so the pattern lingered (casual, lovey, casual, lovey). But i looked at his profile page and saw he had loads of friends that are girls and he flirted with them alot (he reassured me that just because he's attracted to them doesn't mean he's gonna date them). After a while he told me he'd be here for me always and he will wait for me and wait till July and not be with anyone. I started very recently expressing my feelings more and telling him how much I loved him and he would reply with the same 'yeah' and ':)'
i dunno if he's stuck with what to say or he thinking 'my god she's crazy'. i have assured him that i think its crazy to be in love with him when I've never met him. And its valentines day tomorrow and i feel crap around valentines day cuz I've always hated it, and he messaged me alot asking how i was and if i said I feel bad he'd change subject to talking about himself. Tonight we just had an instant chat conversation I was telling him a bit more about my life, and He told me that i was his valentine when i mentioned how alone i'll be, and he was sending me hearts and little rose emoticon things, then when i started talking about coming to see him and how it's my destiny and I am so dedicated to him his responses turned to 'yer' and 'i know'. Then I said to him because of his responses 'look if you find another girl i just wanna say she'll be so lucky to have you' and 'i'm so stupid telling you all of this' and he just responded saying 'Ok'. I then told him how i thought he was handsome and he said 'Ugh I'm ugly' and always on his profile page I see him writing really vain things about himself. After I got really upset in our instant messaging convo he saidhe had to go and ignored my last message which was 'the things I'm saying must sound stupid to you, i understand if they do, I just wont say anymore if you're not feeling comfortable with, right now he's on and offline I can see his name in the chat box. i have hinted so much on my profile about how hurt I am by him sometimes he comments but lately i feel maybe my status's are pushing him away, because I remember he said 'If you cannot beleive I love you well then you're not for me!!'
i just can't help but put up on my status's how hurt i am because i don't wanna tell him straight how i feel i'm in fear i'll scare him off. He is a very sexual guy aswell sometimes he is so hard to understand = he has so many friends that are girls, he likes sexual remarks, he can be really sweet, he can say vain things on his profile, he can be really insecure when messaging me. I mean he told me he'd call me a day ago and he didn't, he's kept me awake for a week now and he wont leave my thoughts, I wake up and he's there in my head, I am definitely going to England to see my family and to see him to show how dedicated I am. He seems like he doesn't appreciate that at the moment he's actually online and active right now, just not talking to me, who is up at 3am in the morning waiting for a message, i really try to ignore him for a few days it's so hard, i can't stop looking at his photos seeing what he's done recently. He's driving me mad! I don't know if he loves me or is just leading me on, I mean if we meet we will be able to tell but the relationship we have over the internet seems weird, i throw myself at him i've realised and its so hard not to tell him how i feel, I'm a very open person. sorry this message is so long i've told everything there is to tell, I really need help i'm going crazy my sensitive emotions can't handle it
I'm so confused it hurts
Long distance internet relationships can be very difficult to make work out in the long run. You need to keep your feelings in check and wait for a guy who'll appreciate you for the person you are. This guy is not for you. He's a player and is constantly on the look out for girls like you who'll tell him how wonderful he is. Find an honest guy who is someone you can see in person. It'll be more satisfying.
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com