He Loves Me - He Uses Me like a Prostitute
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I really need some advice because I honestly just donít know what to think or feel or anything. There was a guy at my church that I liked from the first time we meet and it went back in forth with us wondering if we liked each other, and he asked for my email address and after a few months his parents allowed us to start email and iming.
His parents are very strict and conservative mostly because his dad is the pastor and I understand that.
Well our conversations started out slowly and grew over the course of the year as we became more comfortable with each other we relied on each other for everything, and slowly but surely we feel head over heels in love fore each other, It wasnít the normal teenager love it was a love as deep and as strong as the ocean, and we made the decision to date behind his parents back because we wanted to be with each other and we didnít want anyone to take the other so we wanted to date and just be together. We hid our relationship very well and since we only saw each other at church we would kiss after church in the fellowship hall and everything was going great until we started to be totally honest with each other about our sexuality and then we started to think about moving ahead in our relationship there was a possibility or touching and seeing an possibly some oral, we were both scared and felt guilty cause weíre Christians and felt bad but we wanted it anyway.
But my mom was snooping around and saw our plans and decided we need to be apart so she went to his parents and spilled our guts for us. After that we were separated and never allowed a minute alone or to talk so we never broke up really our parents just moved us apart. I apologized to them and things are okay now and I love then like my own family.
But for 8 months my bf and I havenít talked really about anything and we were walking a thin line with our parents so we often had to ignore each other which hurts me cause I really do love him.
But then one Wednesday he was acting really happy and flirty and it was fun and I liked it. we were playing nerf wars and we were on the same team for the first time in 8 months, and we were having a blast being around each other and being all flirty and stuff but he was really shaky and I was a little concerned. He motioned me over in a corner and he put his arms around me and asked if he could ask me a really big favor he whispered in my ear ďCan I touch your bob?Ē I agreed and he did and then he whispered in my ear Ēyou can touch my penis if you want" so I did and I was all ump and nervous people would find us so as I was checkn to see is anyone was coming he grabbed my shoulder and said Ēcan I finger you?Ē I agreed and he began to go at it until someone was coming so he left and ran after them and then at the end of the game he came back and did it in a room for a few minutes he didnít know how to do it cause heís never had a gf and stuff an Iíve never had it done either and it hurt really bad.
The he told we canít tell anyone about this because my parents are going to kill me if they ever find outĒ then he ran cause his parents were coming. That Sunday I expected him to be all happy and flirty but he was reserved and jump and didnít really act the same, and Wednesday was the same he was trying to avoid me when his mom was around but when I talked about how I got in a fight at school and got hurt he acted like he was going to kill the world he was quite the whole night it was just the look on his face and Sunday again he wasnít much different really, and Wednesday he stared at me a lot but he didnít come over to youth group which made me think he got in trouble and he couldnít be around me again so I was really mad and upset and trying not to cry cause i am so afraid I lost him. So when I walked past him to go into church and he was standing alone and I walked past and couldnít look at him cause I was mad and upset cause of the way heís acting it makes me so confused and idk if its because of his parents or what, but I looked out of the corner of my eye and I saw that he looked sad and upset when I walked past and didnít be my happy flirty self and then he kept watching my every move that night and he got in his car and starred at me until the car turned away we both looked upset and hurt that was clearly written on our faces and I am so confused and torn and I love him and idk how he feels HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ASAP!!!!
You really need to sit down and have a serious talk with your parents. A guy who is a "soulmate true love" of a girl does NOT start fingering them and feeling them up when it's the first time they've been alone with them! How about having a wonderful talk about how much he loves you and misses you? The only thing he can think of doing is doing sexual things to you? He's not treating you like a true love - he's treating you like a prostitute.
I don't know how I can possibly emphasize this enough. If any guy I felt was my true love was apart from me for a while, and the first thing they wanted to do when they met up with me was to start grabbing my body parts for sexual gratification, I would be furious. This was a "really big favor"?? That's how you talk to a stripper!
If you want to *date* him it is one thing. It should be perfectly fine for you two to be in love and romantic together at your age group, and undoubtedly the only reason your parents stepped in is because of this kind of sexual predatory behavior. That is NOT right. If anything he is completely proving why your parents and his parents do not want him near you.
I am very concerned that you are mistaking lust for love. If you were honestly in true love, this behavior would have raised incredible red flags immediately.
Go talk with your parents. You need someone who is looking out for YOU to talk with - rather than a guy whose immediate thought when he can finally talk with you is to get his sexual needs met.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com