My Boyfriend Doesn't Instigate Chats
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I've writen here a few times about this new guy i'm dating.. well we've been going out for about 2 months now and it still seems like i'm single... I still feel single. I mean he calls me his gf but it's hard for me to call him my bf cuz he doesnt really act like one.. We dont really spend quality time together.. The only time we really hang out i'm stuck sitting somewhere while he's talking to ppl..
And today he didnt text me or anything all day... I know if I didn't text him I wouldnt have received one from him..He explained he was doing something but I mean he couldnt at least tell me good morning or something? It just makes me mad because i've sat down with him 3 or 4 times now and told him i really care about him and i dont want to get hurt.. I even cried..
And what pisses me off even more is we had this talk 2 days ago... He sat there crying and told me he really cares about me n basically told me hes falling for me.. But im kindof iffy about that because he never calls me just to talk.. he never calls me period... He came an saw me for like 10 minutes yesterday and that was it...
He's Indian and his culture is different. He also has a son.. He's introduced me 2 his son and i've even played with his son.. But he cant let me meet his parents.. He's met my family and they adore him.. He says things are hard for him when he's at home cuz his parents are always in his business..
But I really dont know what to do.. I dont feel like i'm getting the affection I really want.. I mean as soon as I see him I completely forget about being mad and he always has a smile on his face.. But thats not enough to forget about the times when i'm not with him.. i dont really know what to do...
He told me he's new to this relationship thing because he hasnt been in one for a while and I recently got out of a really abusive relationship of almost 3 years...
I guess my question is what should I do about this situation? Should I distance myself and wait for him to come around? It's just very hard for me because I feel so alone.. And I want him to be there but he isnt... Please help.... :(
I'm working with George so I'm starting this question fresh!
If you've written multiple times about a single problem relationship then it's a clear warning signal. Something that goes on and on being a problem is not healthy.
You have made it clear what you find important in a relationship. He knows what that is - and it's not super difficult. You're not asking for diamond rings or expensive trips to Paris. You're just asking him to contact you occasionally. Heck, he could set a timer on his cell phone to do that if he really was that absent minded.
It also sounds like you don't have a support group if you need to keep asking us for help with it!
So your two key things to do here are:
1) Build a local support group! You need people who you can meet with, who knows you, who you trust, who are your allies. You should never feel alone because of one guy. A guy is nice. A support group of friends is absolutely necessary. If you've been neglecting friends because of him, it's time to stop.
2) Be clear and final with the guy. You've apparently been upset for a while. He isn't listening. If you need X in a relationship to be happy, and he isn't providing X for whatever reason, then it's time to move on. Sure he's fun. Lots of guys are fun. It may be that he likes your company but because of his family he's waiting to find a 'proper girl' to have a more serious relationship with. Maybe he doesn't even realize that himself. It's not up to you to fix his issues. It is up to you to know what you want in life, and to through trial and error find a guy who matches those needs.
Now go build that support group!
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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A partner is not your entire life