My Boyfriend Wants a Virgin

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My boyfriend has never had a girlfriend before, but I've had one. I've slept with my ex before, and my bf has never slept with another girl. He always gets upset about the fact that i'm not the first person he's slept with. It always makes him angry and makes me feel bad and cry. I've tried telling him that if he loves me he should let go of the feeling, but I'm upset about the fact myself too. What can I do and tell him to make him less upset? Advice
It's time your boyfriend entered the 21st century. All of that mindless "Guys can do whatever they want but the girl must be pure" nonsense came from eons of guys OWNING girls like property and wanting to make sure that the only babies that came out of the girl could be 100% certified as belonging to him too. You're NOT a baby machine. You are a PERSON. And as a person you have had countless experiences in your life! That involves other friends, other crushes, other interactions and yes another sexual relationship. All of those made you who you are today. You should always be proud of what you are now, and you are ONLY who you are now because of all those old experiences. To say "I would erase X and Y" is to erase parts of what you are. If you hadn't had that previous experience, chances are you wouldn't be dating him now! Because you would be a different person who had made different choices. You might easily be dating someone other than him and never even have been interested in him.

So this is one of those life lessons this guy has to learn. He has to accept ALL of you, not just his 'princess in a tower' image of you. He has to accept your ENTIRE past, because all of that made you what you are now. Is he saying that all non-virgin women should just be thrown off a cliff because obviously they are now 'tainted' and wouldn't be of interest to someone? That's a pretty medieval point of view. Either he loves you for being a PERSON or he loves you for being a PURE OBJECT. It's time for him to start treating you as a person - and for you to treat yourself as a person.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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