Jealousy with friends
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
My bf and i have been together now for 2 months, and everything started out fine, i kinda knew from the beginning that he was protective and had a a little bit of jealously issues, but since i've been home for christmas break he has been getting very jealous of the fact that i have other gay friends (good looking or not). He gets upset when he sees i've been on facebook for more than 10min at a time bc he thinks that im talking to other guys and going behind his back (and im not). I'm very open and explain to him who i was talking to and, the topic matter, etc, but he says that im just naive bc everyone is out to be in a relationship with me. He recently saw that i added a friend to facebook who was gay, and i get a text from him that says "im over this crap have a goodone" we worked things out (so i think) but it still continues. When i'm in school we only see eachother on some weekends bc we live 3hrs apart. I dont know what to do, i try being honest but he thinks it's B.S. He never appologies and says that he know he is a jealous person bc of his prior relationships and that all guys are the same. I love him to death, but i'm really struggeling to keep my sanity. Please help be able to help him
Sorry you are in this situation.
Jealousy is a terrible thing and is, as you know, based on mistrust. This mistrust often comes from a previous bad relationship which is what happened to him.
You have done everything that I could suggest. Keep reassuring him that you love him and only him. But make him understand that you are not going to give up all your friendships because he is jealous. That would be destructive of your relationship in the long run.
Tell him that his feelings are coming from inside him and not from you. He has to look inside and face his feelings. You can help him do that by gentle questioning and constant support.
You can not cure him overnight... in fact, he may never be cured. All you can do is try to help. If it becomes intolerable then it would be best for you to move on and explain to him the reasons. If this happens it will be a learning experience for him.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com