How can I make my Jealous boyfriend change?Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
He's always been jealous. He's the "don't talk to any guys, don't get any calls from guys, listen to everything I say, be there when I want you to, you can't go out with your friends" type of jealousy. I love him to death, and I know he loves me too. We are very open with eachother, and can talk about anything. He is very short-tempered and acts on things that happen.
Recently I have been getting tired of it, and I just get to the point where I don't want to put up with it anymore. But yet when I think about breaking up with him, I can't do it. I can't even imagine my life with him. I've tried so hard to be the best to him. But it seems so easy for him to say that he wants to break up whenever we get into a fight. Just this weekend he got mad at me b/c I went to lunch with my only girl-friend that I have! He flipped out and started saying bad things about her and said that he was gonna go over there to the restaurant and take me away and make a big scene in front of my best friend. He doesn't really like her (b/c I always tell him the things that she thinks about our relationship which is that she doesn't think it's gonna work out because he is too jealous), but anyways, he gave his 2-week-notice at work and according to him, he's gonna move in 3 days about 200 miles away. I'm hoping that he's playing like he always does, but I have a feeling that he just wants me to give up and start crying and just beg him to stay and not break up with me. But he said that he was serious, so I'm pretty worried.
I really love him a lot, and I want to work out things with him, but I don't know how to deal with him being jealous. I always try my very best to do everything he says. To please him, but maybe I shouldn't. Please help me! I love him so much, but his jealousy and short temper is ruining our relationship! I would do anything to help him, just for him to see what he's doing to me. He's told me himself that he will never change, and that he's always been jealous, and if I don't want to be with him, to not be with him. BUT I KNOW that he wouldn't be able to live without me. I KNOW. But I'm just scared that I'M GONNA BE THE ONE TO BREAK LOOSE. Please help...
You CAN live without him. This guy is a controlling, obnoxious jerk. He won't even let you see a female friend for lunch? He yells at you over everything? This type of behavior doesn't get better. It is abusive, and he is going to get more and more controlling and abusive until perhaps it turns physical and turns dangerous.
Count yourself lucky that you are not trapped with him yet. Tell him good luck on his new job. Spend MORE time with your friend and family and build up your support network. I know it's hard to break up with someone - but this guy is NOT someone you can rely on long term. You can love him from afar - but you can't have him be the one partner you need to rely on for daily support.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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