Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I've been seeing this Guy for a little over a month now. It was literally almost 2 days after I had gotten out of a 3 year long abusive relationship. We met at school while I was still with my ex and there really seemed to be a connection between us. Well, he's 6 years older than me and age doesn't matter to me it's just a little different.. We hang out often and every time I'm around him he makes me laugh and feel really good. But he sort of comes across as a player. And he came across that way before we even started dating. This is all fairly new to me due to the fact I haven't been in a new relationship in almost 3 years! We can talk about our problems and things like that and he sat me down and started crying when he told me how he felt about me. But what I dont understand is that he still looks at other women. He's open about it and he'll tell me that he finds another female attractive but I just don't know what to make of it after he told me that he "hasn't felt this way about someone in a very long time" I dont know if it's just innocent or what. He'll tell me that he'll call me later and stuff like that but he doesn't end up calling me.. He'll text me later on in the evening like 6 hours after he tells me he'd call.. I tend to get upset about things very easily with him and I dont understand why.. I dont know if I'm just second guessing things because of what I just got out of and I feel bad about my appearance.. (I'm underweight by 30lbs) I really dont know.. I'm trying to not be clingy and give him his space but we honestly BARELY ever talk on the phone or text unless he wants to hang out. And that's rare also. We attend the same school but dont see each other. Do you think I'm just having doubts because this is all new to me and i'm scared? Please help.. My mind is running in circles...
Try to enjoy life more and not worry so much. It is the Holiday season and time for a jolly spirit.
Take a humorous view of his faults for now. True it is no fun when your boyfriend looks at other women, but he isn't going to change overnight. Jokingly ask him if it is ok for you to look at other men. After the Holidays you can spend time explaining that it hurts you when he does it.
When he says he will call say "sure you will !" in a sarcastic but light way. That will give him the message that it isn't OK for him to say he will call but then wait six hours to do it. Sometimes it takes many hints before the other person will get the message.
About your weight. As long as you are healthy, try not to worry over it. Many women would want to be in your situation. Perhaps you lost weight during the stress of your previous abusive relationship. Now that you are happier you may find food more attractive.
Your problems are all real and need attention. My suggestion is to allow yourself to enjoy the Holidays and then work on your new boyfriend to be more concerned about your feelings. You said he may be a player and I don't need to tell you he was a rebound, so it isn't unusual that problems exist.
Best wishes! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com