I Love my Guy Friend - But He's Taken!
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
There's this guy, and well we've been friends for 4 years now and i've always had a secret crush on him but he's never had a girlfriend in the 4 years i've known him, but now all of a sudden he grew up over the summer and i wasnt the main girl in his life anymore.
he got a girlfriend, and for awhile things were awkward but after everything we still decided to talk. were almost best friends again. we hang out outside of school and at lunch time. but the thing is im not completely over him. seeing him and his girlfriend together hugging and kissing looking completely in love kills me! all of my friends and my guy friends tell me to just move on there's better fish in the sea! but its not that easy. im not the kinda person who looks to food for comfort. i dont eat at all...and its not healthy. whenever i think about him and his girlfriend it makes me sick to my stomach, i told him how i felt numerous times in my head, but i cant come out to tell him in person, why make him unhappy right?
he calls me a lot and tells me about him and his girlfriends problems, and i pretend that im concerned, well of course im concerned but all i wanna hear is him call me and say that they have broken up and now he needs me more then ever. but what happens when they break up? and he comes to me for support how do i react, cuz all i'll be thinking about is being with him!
i sound so selfish! my friends dont wanna hear about it anymore, and im sick of being stuck under his spell, help me! how do i get over this guy?
It's REALLY REALLY common to be in this situation, it happens ALL of the time. People are friends with people they like. The very best relationships form between people who are friends first and who then develop into romantic partners. You don't want to hurt the friendship, but then you get jealous when your friend gets interested in someone else.
First off, your primary responsibility is to KEEP YOU HEALTHY. He's not going to appreciate you as a good partner if you can't take care of yourself and end up with an illness because you weren't eating properly! People are naturally drawn to people who are healthy, happy, and in general content in their lives. People want to be a part of that. So your #1 goal has to be to keep YOURSELF happy and healthy.
Obviously he knows you like him. You guys have been friends for many years! But you should NEVER try to drive a wedge between him and his girlfriend with any sort of "I love you! Now choose me over her!" sort of stuff because once you head down that path, you will be labelled as "The Cause of the Breakup". And then ANY time you guys fight or have problems, he will start thinking, "I SHOULD have been with my previous girlfriend, but nooooooooo this jerk here made us break up and now look what has happened!" You do NOT want to be in that situation. If he breaks up it has to be 100% his own decision that he takes full responsibility for.
So be there for him, be a friend. Most relationships in middle school and high school only last a few months, because the dating people are "trying things out" and seeing what works and what doesn't work. So just be patient. Once HE breaks up with her and is free again, then I have advice on going from friends to boyfriend-girlfriend -
take it slow!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com